Why You Should Take A Break From Dating And Focus On Yourself
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve become victim to the vicious cycle of dating. The initial thrill of meeting someone new is soon followed by the inevitable disappoint that the person you’ve met isn’t perfect. Whether you’re newly out of a relationship or you simply are looking to spend some time on yourself, here’s a few reasons why you should take a break from dating.
If you find that your sole purpose has become dating
Simply put, dating is, well, extremely exhausting. If you find that your main goal in life has become finding your next partner, it might be time to take a step back and re-evaluate what you want to spend your time focusing on. You shouldn’t be using dating as a distraction, or something to fill a hole in your heart. You should definitely be spending time on your larger life goals, as well as on smaller things you want to pursue. Having hobbies that you enjoy is important; i.e., hobbies that aren’t finding your latest love obsession. Try going a week without looking for your next date, or pursuing anyone. See how you feel when you focus your time and energy on something else.
It’ll give you time to get re-acquainted with yourself
Oftentimes, if we find ourselves in relationship after relationship, we start to lose pieces of our identity. We morph into someone we believe our significant other wants or needs in order to make the relationship work. In doing so, we lose sight of who we truly are. Taking a break from dating will give you time to learn how to be alone. At the end of the day, all we have is ourselves; if you’re incapable of being alone, it may be a symptom of a bigger problem. A popular saying is that you need to love yourself before you let anyone else love you; and I can’t stress that enough. If you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, it’ll be impossible to have a solid relationship with anyone else.
It’s important to learn how to be independent
Learning to rely on yourself instead of other people can be one of the best things you can do for yourself. Being independent will give you a sense of purpose and direction in your life. Looking inwards for the things you need instead of outwards will give you a sense of accomplishment. We often look to other people to distract us from the fact that we’re uncomfortable simply sitting with ourselves and our emotions. If we train ourselves to not only be comfortable being alone, but also enjoy it, we’ll find ourselves far more fulfilled than if we were looking to a partner for those same needs.
You can figure out what you’re really looking for
My therapist made this metaphor to me once about dating: If you go to a buffet hungry, not having eaten that day, you’re going to eat a ton of food you probably don’t really want. Food that doesn’t mix, and a lot of it; you’ll probably end up with a stomach ache. But if you go to a buffet having eaten a big breakfast, and aren’t necessarily that hungry, you’ll be more picky about what you choose to eat. You’ll survey the buffet, pick one or two things, enjoy it, and maybe go back for seconds later. Do you see what I’m getting at? Oftentimes, we’re the starving people at the buffet; we’re so starved for attention, validation, and all the other things we’re searching for from a partner that we take whatever’s offered to us without thinking. But if we allow our needs to be met from ourselves, we can be more mindful about who we choose to go out with and associate with. Being alone for a while can help you figure out exactly what it is you’re looking for.
