In the first couple of months of a relationship, it is actual bliss. There is so much love and time and attention between the couple. And I am sure you have felt that with your S.O. Maybe you are still in that phase. Whatever phase you are in right now, you are looking to move in with your S.O. or at least weighing the options.
Moving in with your S.O. can seem like the best idea in the world because they are your best friend right, and you want to spend every minute with them? Well, I am here to tell you that living with your partner is a lot different than you think.
I am not saying you should not move in with them because if you are ready for the next step of that relationship, then yes totally do it. But just know that things will be different than you imagined and you will have good AND bad times. So, here are ten things to consider before moving in with your S.O.
1. Where IS Home
The first thing you should discuss is where home actually is for both of you. You might want to live closer to the city, however, your partner might want to be farther out away from the noise. From experience, this part is hard.
I am an Oregonian gal but my boyfriend is from Idaho and loves it there. I am in Oregon for school and so he moved out here to be with me but is having a hard time because it is not home for him. There have been fights over this and it has been difficult for both of us. What it comes down to is whether or not you are just happy to be with each other no matter where you are.
If you can, come to a compromise with your partner. Tell them that you would like to live by the city for three years, and then, you will move out farther away. It really just comes down to making sure you are in an area you are both comfortable with. Try to keep open minds about where each of you wants to live.
Picking out meals and making dinner is a big factor of how you will function under the same roof. Most of a human’s day is planned around mealtimes, so it is good to have a conversation with your S.O. about what kinds of meals you will be eating and who cooks, whether that is you or them or both of you together.
When you factor in different hours for work and other activities you both might participate in, mealtimes can get kind of whacky. A great way to avoid fights about dinners or food, and trust me there will be fights about food, sit down with your partner and plan out your meals for the week. Not only will this help with the grocery shopping, but it will also help you line up your week together so things work out much smoother.
3. Do You Both Want Pets
Pets are amazing, but when you move in with your S.O., it can be one of the stressors that turn into a fight. You need to have an understanding on where you both stand on pets. Pets can be a big responsibility and maybe your partner isn’t ready for that right after you both move in. Take some time to really discuss it.
Of course, if you both had pets already, then this shouldn’t be a big deal. But I am sure you both take care of your pets a bit differently, so make sure you are on the same page about that as well.
I am the type of person that likes things a certain way, my boyfriend, on the other hand, doesn’t really care. In some ways, it works out because I have control over how to decorate our space, but other times it can be a little invading on his stuff and it can turn into a fight.
If you and your partner both have strong opinions about decoration, which can result in arguments, I suggest picking specific rooms to decorate for yourself and then coming up with an overall theme for the general areas of the house. That way it looks decent for the both of you. Try to be open-minded about their style. It is probably one of the things you fell in love with about them, but maybe not.
Housekeeping is probably the worst part of moving in with your S.O., and I’ll tell you why. Many people have very different methods and ideas of what clean is. I got lucky that my boyfriend and I have similar cleaning methods, but I am slightly on the cleaner side with certain things.
For example, I like my kitchen clean. Clean dishes, clean counters, swept floor. My boyfriend will leave dirty dishes on the counters and in the sink, he will leave egg messes on the stove after cooking. The floors won’t get swept for a long time. His idea of a clean counter is wiping them off with a wet sponge. No soap. At all.
This kind of thing might happen when you move in with your partner. You might be the messy one and they might be clean. It is always good to respect each other on how you view cleanliness in the household. Give each other days of the week to maintain chores so you are both putting in the work. It is teamwork!
6. Personal Space
I am a pretty clingy person, but my boyfriend really likes his alone time. I have to get used to giving him more space even while living under the same roof. Personal space is a big factor when it comes to moving in with your partner. If you like your space, don’t be afraid to tell them you need it. Especially if you loved living by yourself and was so used to not having someone always there.
If you are more clingy like me, try finding projects around the house when your S.O. needs their space. Call up your friends and get out of the house for a bit. Just remember, your S.O. will miss you while you are gone and will a lot more attentive when you get back. Just because they need their space, doesn’t mean they don’t like spending time with you. They live with you for goodness sake.
7. Learning How to Love and to Fight
Moving in with your partner will teach you that loving and fighting are different living together than living apart. Fighting gets a lot more personal now that you live together and love gets a lot more comfortable.
Just know, you will have fights over the dumbest things. Maybe your partner forgot to hang up their towel in the bathroom, which will then turn into a fight about their inability stay committed about projects around the house. I promise these kinds of fights to happen and they are really dumb. It is always a good thing to step back from the argument for a while. Cool down and come back with some loving words for the other before you begin the conversation again. Don’t say things you’ll regret. It is hard to come back from it, I’ve been there before.
As you both learn more about each other, you will get a lot more comfortable with each other. There will be things you probably won’t like about your partner, but there will be things you learn that make them so much better in your eyes. Always remember the reasons why you love them and know that you probably have some quirks that they may not like either. Don’t let these little things become a big bump later on. They are just little.
8. Personal Hygiene
I am sure you’d know before moving in with your S.O. whether or not they had good personal hygiene. But you may be surprised. Maybe they get really comfortable with you and show you their true nasty side. If this is the case, sit down with them and have a conversation. Not an argument. If things don’t go well, maybe try introducing new ways for them to get clean and smelling nice.
Oh, the bills. The best part of moving in together. And by best, I mean worst. Bills could be the downfall of your relationship, but don’t let it. Before moving in, have a conversation on how you will be paying for the place. Will you be paying rent and they pay utilities and groceries? Are you going to split it down the middle? Don’t wait for move-in day before this is discussed because it will become a major problem.
10. Sleep Schedules
Sleeping is one of the most important things to me, but my boyfriend loves to stay up late and get up early. Who does that??
Have a conversation with your partner about your sleep schedule. Be respectful of theirs and they should be respectful of yours. Make sure to factor in work schedules as well. My boyfriend used to get up at 4:30AM five days out of the week. I would get up with him just to make sure to give him a kiss on his way out the door, but of course, I went right back to bed. Don’t let the sleep get in the way of your relationship. You both need your rest!