If you’re lucky enough to have fallen in love, you’ll know that it involves a large degree of emotional investment. If you’ve found the one, as the cliché goes, then the love you feel will only bring you happiness, but what happens if the two of you turn out to not be so compatible? Spot the signs early to avoid an inevitably painful heartbreak.
1. You feel a sense of dependency
There is a difference between love and dependency. If the thought of life without them makes you feel as if it would be unliveable, without purpose, then you’re not in a healthy relationship. You’ve fallen in love with someone who consumes your daily life and the decisions you make for yourself begin to be based around them. Your relationship should be a bonus in life, not a vital element. Yes, you may be absolutely besotted with them, but this doesn’t mean to say they’re the right person for you. Unfortunately, when you’ve fallen in love with somebody this way, it’s difficult to acknowledge this. I advise taking a step back, evaluating your feelings and deciding whether dependency is outweighing genuine love.
2. You’re squashing issues that are upsetting you
If you find yourself pushing issues to the side under the pretence of compromising, you’re probably not all that compatible. Whilst it’s true that you should never make a person change, but rather accept them for who they are, if you actually want them to change and can’t accept certain parts of their personality or habits, that’s also okay. It just means you aren’t meant to be. Loving someone and also wishing they were a little different is entirely possible. The fact is, even if they try, they aren’t going to change as it’s just who they are, so ultimately the relationship isn’t going to work out.
3. You don’t feel appreciated
When you devote yourself to someone, you expect to feel the love reciprocated. If you feel as if the relationship is one sided, whether it be you organising all your dates, declaring your love more often, or making more compromises, then your partner isn’t making enough effort to make you happy. You don’t deserve this so don’t put up with it! As disheartening as it is, for the right person, your partner would make the effort, so the quicker you realise that you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person, the better.
4. Your friends and family don’t warm to them
Quite often, your friends and family know you better than you know yourself. They have the advantage of being outside the relationship, meaning that they may pick up on incompatibility before you do. As much as you don’t want to hear it, you should listen to them and take their advice on board because they only want what’s best for you. It only takes one person to make a comment that resonates with you to suddenly make you realise that despite the time and emotion you’ve invested, the relationship isn’t going to last in the long run.
5. You don’t share the same morals/values
Whilst it can be true that opposites attract, it only works in the case of interests and certain personality traits. I believe it’s crucial for couples to have the same morals and values in order to maintain a successful relationship. If your partner is constantly doing things which go against your beliefs, or make you feel uncomfortable, no matter how much you tell yourself they are free to do what they like, you have to admit you’ve fallen for the wrong person. You can’t help but unconsciously set expectations for them, and if you’re forever getting the feeling of disappointment, you won’t be able to stop it from contaminating your relationship. No amount of love is going to change this.