Most sound relationship advice can only be learned through trial and error. Here are some time and energy saving suggestions that you and your partner will appreciate!
Being In A Relationship Doesn’t Make You An Adult!
There’s a mistake adults make when telling children adults stop having toys, they certainly do not, they play with cars, homes, expensive consumptive goods, odd convenient technologies and hobbies that reinforce a sense of ‘belong’. One mistake youth make is assuming a romantic partner is also a part of this collect ‘adult’ expansion package. But a partner is no luxury good, something you can use and keep to yourself when it’s convenient.
A relationship is a cooperative activity that requires attention, love, compassion, sympathy, and to some extent, a consensual element of control over someone else. In order to have a meaningful one, it’s best to not think of a relationship as just, something to do because everyone else has one. That logic leads to misery and is the antithesis of good relationship advice, something you should take our word for!
Don’t Be The White Knight Set Out To ‘Save’ Your Partner!
We all remember those first few relationships where one cheesily admits they’re ‘damaged goods,’ whereby discussing insecurities to a lover, one hopes to arrive at a closer understanding. It is important to have these moments, to engage in awareness with your partner, they are important for growth. However, there are some interactions, that’s the whole purpose is to vent, and not seek a remedy. It is a serious miscalculation to assume someone not seeking help wants it. It may even be seriously needed given the circumstances. One cannot look at a relationship like a ‘project’, that’s what the arts are for.
A relationship can be a great study in your emotional response system, your level of empathy, your capacity for waiting and enjoying simple, organic pleasures. Of the more important relationship advice, to have a partner one doesn’t feel inclined to rescue is important. Using a relationship as an inroad to therapy of a kind ultimately is abusive, and not worth taking, as persuasive as that inroad may be.
Don’t Wait For Your Partner To Tell You You’re Special To Believe It!
Your partner’s contribution to self-worth should always take the form of reinforcement to your lead. It’s not your’ partner’s job or place to ensure that you care about yourself, there’s room for not giving up on someone that could do better, but sometimes, the best way for someone to get their act together is by ending a relationship. In such cases, a sudden separation can be a catalyst for a new age of self-improvement, and though brought about painfully, sometimes a little chaos can be enriching for personal development. This is a kind of relationship advice that comes through experience, there are very few forms of communication that can deliver what seems like such an obvious truth.
Delegating someone that you value as the sole authority of whether you care that you matter is unfair to your partner, because just like you, they may be struggling in the whole dialectic of whether their life matters and doubling the ante in this confusing thing we call life, is nothing short of burdensome. It is, of course, nice to have someone in life who, under certain conditions, can lighten all dull situations, but oftentimes, there are difficulties with people who are so capable of influencing our moods in such a way. Everyone always wants the most passionate romantic of relationships, but it can’t be attained if one can’t handle the mundane.
Don’t Stop Taking Care Of Yourself Because Your Partner Did!
Sometimes we fall in love with people who don’t know how to accurately or correctly take care of themselves at the moment. In the same way that it is unfair to appoint your partner as your sole emotional caretaker, it is also unfair for you to do the same. You are in your own struggles in this great adventure we call, life. You likely don’t have all the answers and could even offer worse relationship advice to a partner who either needs more serious help, or needs more compassion, but you’re not the right person to deliver it.
It’s okay to ask for professional help, parental help, familial help. It’s okay to admit that everything’s not okay. It’s always worth talking to someone when either you or your partner feel low. Assuming you’re wrong and acting indifferently to a situation because other people insist there isn’t a problem is not acceptable if someone’s mental health is really in trouble. You may even be doing the wrong thing by talking, but it’s no worth than clamming up when self-harm is on the table.
Find Someone Who Encourages You To Be Your Best Self!
This sounds like some relationship advice that you thought, because it was free, it was no good! Well, don’t take it for granted, because if so, you’ll spend several years before you can be truly happy about your romantic situation. The best part of this life can be lived today if you seek it, and the same is true of relationships and peace of mind. There are little to no inevitabilities in this life, but peace of mind is certainly one of them. What then, can be better than a partner who, effortlessly, can provide peace of mind, and a passionate follower who has the ability to observe errors, and correct them in a way that is neither intrusive or triggers insecurity. For all those who are skeptical, there is someone for everyone, such a peace of mind is possible if one is willing to search, and actively work to maintain a satisfying relationship that provides one with love, fun, memories, adventures, laughs, tears, and even a sense of nostalgia. Peace of mind is there for those who want it.
Is there any other relationship advice we missed? Let us know in the comment section below!
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John D. Short is a Bassist, and Songwriter/Composer from Tyler, Texas. He is the administrator of Philtrum Publishing Federation, a great lover of conspiracy theories, history and irony. He's a graduate of Berklee College of Music's Jazz Composition Program.