Hooking up in college can be one of the most confusing, yet liberating, aspects of your love life. Between your busy schedule full of classes and extracurricular activities, it’s not always easy to maintain a healthy relationship. Many college students opt not to have monogamous relationships and instead choose to hook up. While this style of dating works better for a lot of people, hooking up while living in a dorm room can prove to be difficult. We have great tips for owning your college hookups. Keep reading for 10 tips to help you have some of the best sex possible as a college student.
1. Figure out why you want to just hook up.
First and foremost, make sure you want to hook up with someone for the right reasons. Reasons like “because I want to,” “hooking up works for me,” and etc. are totally valid! Other reasons like “they’re so hot I need to be able to say I’ve hooked up with them,” “they’ll lose interest in me if we don’t hook up,” or “I feel pressure from my friends because they’re into hooking up,” are not reasons that you should be hooking up with someone. You shouldn’t be hooking up with another person because you feel pressured to fit in or fear that sex is the only thing that will keep their interest. Use good judgment beforehand and know what you personally want.
2. Tell your roommate
At first this may seem odd, but it really is crucial. Once you first start getting to know your roommate, talk about how to deal with hookups when discussing each other’s boundaries. If you are not extremely comfortable discussing your sexual escapades with your roommate, remember they are probably just as uncomfortable.
However, giving your roommate some notice before you hook up with someone prevents several awkward occurrences later on. If you’re uncomfortable telling your roommate in person that you’ll need the room later, then texting or a call works just fine, just make sure you give them a heads up! I would much rather be sexiled for a little while than walk in on my roommate and not be able to look at her the same way. What works for most people, myself included, is having a word or phrase you can easily tell or send your roommate to signify that you are going to hook up and need the dorm room for a bit (my roommate and I used the word “butterscotch”). Also, if you are going to text your roommate, remember to tell them when it ends or whether your partner will be spending the night or not. You would be upset if your roommate was sleeping contently while you’re wandering around a frat or sitting in your dorm lounge by yourself.
3. Keep track of your alcohol consumption.
Be smart about alcohol in general, but please be especially smart about alcohol when it mixes with sex. If you need alcohol to get more comfortable or sexual, you probably should deal with that problem when sober. If a person tries to intentionally get you drunk to take advantage of you, get out of that situation as soon as you can. I don’t care if it’s Chris Hemsworth… well… nope, still a no.
4. Make sure its consensual.
Make sure the other person is on the same page. Even asking a few times during is best! I do not care if someone talks to you all night, asks to go to your room, goes to your room with you and gets naked; they can still say no, and it is still valid. If the person says no, do not be discouraged or upset. That normally means he or she wasn’t ready. Making sure the person wants to by asking more than once is respectful and makes your partner feel safe.
5. Remember no glove, no love.
Protection! Always have protection! If you are a guy, it’s easier. You really only have to remember to carry a “just in case” condom with you in your wallet or wherever is most convenient for you. Make sure it is not expired!
If you’re a girl, you have a little more responsibility. Girls can and should also have condoms in their dorm room or with them on a night out. Never accept the excuse that “the condom doesn’t fit.” He’s probably lying and trying not to use one. Also, if you decide to be sexually active, it is highly recommended that you begin a form of birth control. Visit your doctor or a local Planned Parenthood and discuss your options. Being on birth control is the smartest, most effective way to avoid pregnancy and STIs (if using a condom). Responsible guys often ask “Are you on the pill?” or something similar before hooking up.
6. Keep an open line of communication.
I cannot stress this enough. COMMUNICATE. This may actually be the most important tip, since it incorporates every other tip on this list. Communicate beforehand, during, and afterwards (well, afterwards is optional). Before you have sex, you should always talk about the essentials: Have you been tested? Do you have condoms? Are you on birth control? Are you single or in a relationship? It may seem awkward at first to basically interrogate your potential hook-up, but it’s much better than having the “I think you gave me an STD” or “I’m pregnant” conversation. It only takes one time, people.
Communicate during to make sure your partner is having a good time. A simple “You okay?” or “Does this feel good?” can go a long way. Listen when he or she tells you what they like or don’t like. Especially listen when they tell you they don’t like something you’re doing or ask you to do something specific.
Like I said, communication afterwards is optional. If this was just a one-night stand and you have no desire to communicate afterwards, you don’t have to speak to that person ever again. However, if you want to hook up again or pursue something more serious with this person, then of course communicate with them afterwards! Speak out whenever it feels right and tell them you had a good time. You do not need to wait for him or her to message you first.
7. It takes two to tango.
A key component to good sex is reciprocity. An equal amount of time spent pleasing each partner makes a huge difference. If your partner is being selfish and only wants to receive, just say, “Hey, after this, you’re going to return the favor, right?” If he agrees, all’s well. If not, just stop and tell him to get out. I’m only partially kidding.
College hookups can be awkward. You meet a practical stranger and agree to have sex with them. You probably don’t know each other very well and they’re seeing the place you live or vice versa. It can be really weird, but the only thing you can do is embrace it! If you accidentally bump teeth when kissing or bump your head on whatever body part, just laugh it off and keep going. Keep the mood light and the atmosphere playful and fun. I highly doubt the person is going to remember that more than the actual hooking up part.
9. Have confidence.
Confidence in yourself can really benefit your hook-up experience. Being confident helps you attract other confident people. It’s an easy way to get rid of those easily intimidated and who aren’t worth your time. Also, being knowledgeable in what you’re doing helps! Knowing what goes where and how to satisfy your partner makes the night much more enjoyable for the both of you. If he or she interprets your aptitude or sexual prowess as “you’ve been around the block” or judges you, get rid of that person ASAP. If this person escalates the situation and “slut shames” you publicly, speak to your college counselor and, if you feel strongly enough, report them.
10. Enjoy yourself!
You should be enjoying your hook ups! Toss those that aren’t up to the challenge of pleasing you aside and have some great sex. Hooking up in college should be a fun experience and can be an important part of college life! So what are you waiting for? Go get ‘em, tiger 😉
Brook Caldwell is a student at Dartmouth College. She likes to play music, bake, and make people laugh.