Losing your virginity is one of the experiences many teens can’t wait for. Romanticised in films, talked about by friends, you just can’t wait. But, is it really like that?
1. The Build-Up And Expectations
It’s time. Years of your older, more experienced friends who lost their virginity ages giving you tips, watching porn and masturbation have led up to this point. Finally, you have found someone willing to get this close to you. The movies have primed you for this: you’ll collapse onto the bed and roll around while your hair definitely won’t get in the way when you try to kiss. You won’t worry about any form of contraception and when you finally get to the moment when you lose your virginity it will feel so good that you can both go for hours. Oh, and you’re 100% going to climax at the same time.
Wrong. So wrong. When you lose your virginity you will almost certainly have a less than idealistic experience.
2. Getting Down To It
More likely you’re drunk at a party or with your first boyfriend and you’ve decided to do the deed. You’ll be shaking, as will your partner. And now is when your mind decides to run the equivalent of several marathons. So you begin by trying to calm down, after all, whatever happens, you are in this together. You foreplay for as long as you possibly can because you’re so nervous, wondering if this is okay or not. Then the time to put a condom on occurs and you think: “I haven’t done this since with a banana in high school during health class” and you begin to wonder if your boy knows how to do it.
Phew, it’s on. Also, do I look good right now? I mean, I’ve never looked at myself while lying naked on my bed before. Who cares, we’re here now, right?
Right. This is it. Go time. The moment when you finally understand the hype. It slips in, probably not feeling that comfortable at all, and then the awkward thrusting begins, and you think: “This?! This is what everyone does in their spare time. It kinda hurts, kinda burns and is definitely not a state of enjoyment. Wait, people pay for this? Am I doing something wrong? Is that why it hurts?” Then you just lie there and think: “maybe sex isn’t for me after all.” You internally breathe a sigh of relief when one of you gets the guts to say: “let’s stop and cuddle”.
Cuddling you can do, especially if you’re the little spoon.
4. The Aftermath
Whoo. Almost certainly neither of you came or climaxed and you’re now cuddling wondering if that was good for him. Then, you realise that you can now join in with those conversations that your friends keep having about their various sexual experiences now that you, too, have lost your virginity. You feel a little bit like a badass, a little bit pained and you’re also not sure if that blood you’re seeing is because you just came on your period (great) or because your Heiman just broke.
I mean, you’re also definitely thinking: “what even is a Heiman? I just thought it was an urban legend for all these years.”
You just lost your virginity! But you don’t know whether you were weird or not for it to hurt and for neither of you to find it especially enjoyable (spoiler alert: you’re definitely not alone), so debate whether or not to talk about how magical and incredible it was an how you went all night and just couldn’t resist each other or whether to own up to your gal pals and say that that was the opposite of all of your expectations and you can barely go to the toilet without flinching a little bit now.
Either way, now you are immersed in this new world of intimacy. So long as it’s safe, legal and consensual, have as much sex as you like, and maybe you’ll discover that it can feel pretty great and that trying new positions can be really, really fun.
What was your experience of losing your virginity like? Was it magical and romantic or awkward or painful? Let us know below whether I missed anything out!
Featured image: https://www.pexels.com/photo/two-people-laying-on-a-bed-covered-with-a-floral-comforter-1246960/
Hi! My name is Ellie and I live in London. Currently in university studying journalism, I love all things writing and theatre and spend a lot of my time seeing shows on the West End.