Exes. Yuck. Seriously though, if you’re like me, you’ve got a strong belief that people can’t be friends with their exes. People who believe they can are in denial…or there’s something more that they’re not willing to say. Listen, attachment sucks, but breaking attachment is the worst rollercoaster ride you can go through. Here are 5 reasons why exes just can’t be friends.
You Don’t Want Them To Be With Anyone Else
When my “ex” (quotations because it was complicated) and I went our separate ways, the thought of him with someone else killed me. Knowing some other girl was holding him made me cry hysterically. Instead of just ending contact I tried ignoring it and her and continued being friends with him.
Your Current Significant Other Won’t Like It
Lord, if you didn’t come for a rant, I’m so sorry but here goes. My “ex” is still friends with both of his exes. One is his first love and one is a girl who he…he knows what he did. When we finally officially got together, I was shocked he was still texting both of them. Nothing was going on but you would think because of the past he wouldn’t speak to them anymore. Nope. I’m jealous. I’m intimidated. If you hear the story from his mouth the blame is mostly on me like everything is. The point of this mini rant is to say I didn’t like it one bit and he kept doing it anyways.
My “ex” and I were on and off. We were off because he wasn’t the one (and boy is there a story why). However, we were always back on because I have issues that prevent me from letting people go, but we’ll get into that later. You could say your friends but deep down you want nothing more than to kiss them and hold them, but you can’t. Listen, I don’t like not being able to do what I want. So, if someone tells me I can’t kiss the man I love I’ll have a conniption.
Ok, so they can’t be with you romantically. So, what’s the next best thing? “We can still be friends.” Oh piss off, in what fantasy world can you be friends with your ex? You know this deep down, but to ease the pain of a breakup you decide to be friends anyways. It’s not what you want and you know it. Forcing yourself to accept friendship over a relationship when the latter is what you truly want is settling. You’re better than that.
Settling is truly the number 1 disservice you could do to yourself. I did it, on and off for two years. There’s nothing worse than pretending to be fine with what you really don’t want.
Not Properly Moving On
How can you ever move on when you’re friends with your ex? Rhetorical. You can’t. You’ll never really give another person a chance when you have your ex to always keep going back to, physically and emotionally.
Here’s The Thing
…I’m not perfect. I know first-hand about not letting go and the horrible effects. I’ve got issues that need to be worked out with a professional, I know this to be true. I couldn’t let go of my “ex” for a long time, and I still trying to. It’s hard but it is doable. I’ve come to realize even if my “ex” was even worthy of being my friend, the cycle would just happen all over again. You don’t want that. What you want is to let go and move on with your life with or without someone. Trust me.