The unintended one night stand can leave you feeling confused or guilty because it wasn’t planned. People willingly have one night stands for many reasons, whether it’s to feel empowered, to act out a fantasy, or to fill a void after a breakup. When people knowingly consent to a one nighter, they generally have no expectations of any type of relationship to follow. But what about the unintended one night stand? Here is your guide to help you handle situations when you feel guilty or want more after a casual hookup.
Drop the Shame Game
You met a cute guy at a party and totally hit it off. You find yourself talking to him most of the night. You can feel the sexual attraction growing more and more with each word exchanged. Nether of you want the conversation to end and decide to continue talking at your place. The next thing you know, you aren’t talking anymore. Instead you are having super passionate sex. He goes home. The morning greets you with butterflies and then remorse. What now?
First and foremost, drop the shame game. For far too long, society has viewed women’s sexual encounters as shameful while viewing men’s as boastful. Women should not be accepting this double standard any longer. Ladies, acknowledge you have needs also. You are not inferior to men. You deserve sexual pleasure as much as…well, the next guy. And guys, enough with the slut shaming. You participated in this as much as your lady friend. Take responsibility.
Access the Situation
The unintended one night stand can bring a realm of emotions. If you feel guilty, ask yourself why. If this is out of character for you, what prompted your decision? Is something going on in your life that needs addressing? Were you attempting to fill a void you were unaware of , or did you just get caught up in the moment? Was this alcohol induced?
Finding out what is behind your decision will help you figure out if you want to do it again. Some of you may find this experience thrilling enough you wish to continue. Others will decide this is not for them and wait until they are in a relationship before engaging in sex. The most important thing is taking control of the choices you have and understanding the risks involved with the unintended one night stand.
You Want More, But He Doesn’t
Yes, it sucks. It may even time warp you to the time when you finally overcame your shyness and asked him to the middle school dance. Ah, rejection. It is a disappointing consequence of having an unintended one night stand. While it is ok to send a morning after text and ask him directly, do NOT send anymore if he does not respond or if his response is negative. You do not want to be that girl. You have far too much self-respect to chase after the wind. In fact, the only thing you may need to chase right now is a shot of Jamison. Call the girls and paint the town any color you want.
I know what you are asking, “What if I slept with my best friend”? One conversation to discuss this him is suffice. Make a pact to never bring it up again and honor it. Do not let it ruin your friendship, after all he is your BFF. Chances are this is the exact reason he decided not to continue. Your friendship means more to him than casually hooking up. He doesn’t want to risk it and bets are on you don’t either.
He Wants More, But You Don’t
This can be a tricky situation, but it doesn’t have to be. Don’t be douchy and ignore his calls or texts. Be honest, be direct, and be brief. Although you may be worried that you hurt his feelings, do not apologize! You do not have a reason to be sorry. You want to make your point without being rude. If he does not respect your decision and gives you a stranger-danger feeling, hit the block button. After all, you do not have time for stalker issues.
What do you do when your BFF wants more from you than you are willing to give? After all, this isn’t a friendship you want to toss. Although it can be awkward, you have to give him the hard facts. Emphasize that you want to remain friends and put this encounter in the past. However, realize that this may be overwhelming for him and he may feel uncomfortable continuing a friendship. He may have always had feelings for you beyond the realm of friendship and finally landed his opportunity to share all the feels. Notice he never approved of who you were dating? Perhaps he developed them after you shared more than popcorn. Give him time to process and hopefully you will be back to watching Schitt’s Creek in no time.
The Unintended One Night Stand Becomes an Unintended Relationship
Hey, it can happen and it does happen. While the idea of love at first sight is subjective, unintended one night stands can develop into meaningful relationships. While this is an expectation you should not count on, it’s not one to completely rule out either. The beginning stages are crucial to how long this will last. Primarily, it is important to be honest. Don’t tell him you have never done this before if you have in fact done this before. Dishonesty is not how you want to start a potential relationship.
The BFF situation is a little more complicated. That’s what assessing the situation will help you with. Have you two been suppressing romantic feelings for each other for a while now? Did this encounter spark something one or both of you didn’t realize previously? Take caution in this scenario. You’ve already established your friendship is important. Always put that above and beyond anything that may transpire in this new blurred lines relationship.
Have you ever experienced an unintended one night stand? If so, comment below to share how you handled it.
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essica Hope Murphy is a student at Ashford University studying English and Journalism & Mass Communications. If she isn't writing, she is fishing, cooking, or entertaining friends. In addition to Society19, her work can be found on Points In Case, Cracked Mirrors Online, LinkedIn, Murphy Review, and in The National Library of Poetry.