Young "professional," Providence College grad, above average procrastinator, reality tv…
So you’ve started dating a new person. Congratulations! Such an exciting time, everything is new, you still get a little bit nervous each time you hang out, you look at them with heart eyes and are constantly smiling *gag*. Nah, it’s sweet. Anyway, there are definitely milestones that you have yet to hit. As long as you’re dating a quality dude, he’s going to care about his parent’s opinion of you. Unfortunately, some parents can be really harsh and judgmental no matter what you do and they may not see you as the goddess that you are. There could be a myriad of reasons for this that might not have anything to do with you personally, but it is definitely a difficult situation to be in. Here are some suggestions on what to do if your boyfriend’s parents don’t like you (yet!).
1. Stay calm and do not get overly frustrated.
It can seem devastating because your boyfriend definitely values his parents’ opinion. However, it isn’t the kiss of death. The first thing you need to do is take a deep breath and not get frustrated. Do not take your frustrations out on your boyfriend and don’t simply give up or else it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you need to vent to someone you should call a friend to get the negative energy out. If you bring that into your relationship you will put more of a strain on it and everything might spiral out of control. Having a negative attitude can taint your mindset and prevent your relationship from moving forward. Whatever you do, do not speak negatively about them, or complain to your significant other.
2. Make it clear how much you care about him.
All parents want the best for their children. If they perceive you as someone who might hurt their baby boy then they will not take kindly to you. In both your actions and your words you need to convince them that your intentions are pure and that you aren’t using him with the intention of dumping him and leaving him heartbroken. If your significant other’s parents can feel how much you two care for each other then it is likely that they will warm up to you, and hopefully start to see what he sees in you.
3. Be engaging.
Make sure that you are making eye contact, listening to what they’re saying, and contributing to the conversation. Try to bond over shared interests instead of acting disinterested, disconnected, and standoffish. It is hard for them to connect with you if you put a wall up and they cannot relate to you on any level. Although it’s difficult, try to be empathetic and understand where they might be coming from. Putting yourself in other people’s shoes is always a good step towards understanding other points of view and relating to them on a deeper level.
4. Don’t suck up to them.
No one likes a kiss ass. If your boyfriend’s parents feel that you are disingenuous they are not going to relate to you. They want to get to know the real you and not some facade that you have put up just to get on their good side. Again, trying to relate and find a common ground is your best bet. It is definitely tempting to try to stay as far away as possible and avoid them like the plague because they scare the shit out of you, but the more time you spend around them you will be able to not only show how committed you are but also that you really do care and value their opinion. Showing respect goes a long way. If you feel they are making derogatory comments or digs at you, respectfully stand up for yourself. Be mature about the way you handle yourself and mindful of boundaries.
5. Talk to your boyfriend.
They say the key to any relationship is communication and I truly believe this. By talking to your boyfriend you can let him know how much your relationship with him matters to you and therefore your relationship with his parents is important too. He might be able to give you pointers/insight about how to connect with them. He can also tell you more about their likes and dislikes so that you are prepared next time. I’m not saying to change who you are, but, for example, if they are super old fashioned you can censor yourself to be a more conservative version of you for the night.
If they still do not like you after you have put in the effort, then a future doesn’t look promising. I say this not to be harsh but from personal experience, so not to say you’re shit out of luck, but tbh you might be shit out of luck. You can’t make him choose between you and his parents. If you do, he will either leave you or resent you for the duration of your unhappy, short-lived relationship. Good news is there are always exceptions to the rule, so keep the faith.
From personal experience, do you know what to do if your boyfriend’s parents don’t like you? Share your thoughts down below!
Young "professional," Providence College grad, above average procrastinator, reality tv enthusiast, high profile contributing member of society.