It’s the week before finals. You just found out that the exam in your 4000-level class is 200 multiple choice with 10 essays, and (bum bum bum) cumulative. After that, you’ll be looking for the best places to cry at The University of Missouri Columbia. But where do you choose to wallow in self-pity? Which locations rise above the rest when considering adequate places to accept your impending doom? Here are ten of the best places to drag your deplorable self to let the waterworks fly.
1. Inside Memorial Union
The ridiculous amount of noise from the line at Starbucks and the people sitting around you is the perfect disguise for the pitiful sounds you’ll be making.
TIP: Make sure to take up as much space as possible so you don’t have to interact with anyone asking “are you using this chair?”
2. Ellis Library
Just find the sections containing Anna Karenina or Clarissa and hide there…nobody should find you for weeks.
3. The Student Center
You could snag a booth to yourself and cry for hours and nobody would notice. Everybody is so busy doing their own thing that you could get by with a few hours of screaming as long as it’s muffled by your backpack.
BONUS: Easy access to sushi, pizza, bagels, and a ridiculous amount of other comfort foods that provide the opportunity to eat the pain away.
4. The Middle of Speaker’s Circle
Free speech means nobody can tell you to shut up, right? Whine away.
5. The Columns
If you’re feeling particularly dramatic, this location is for you. Nothing says self-pity quite like draping your exhausted body against a structure of historical significance. Hopefully, there will be a slight breeze so your hair can flow in the wind, adding to the vibe your tears are giving off.
6. Rec Center Showers
They exist, but does anyone other than swimmers ever use them? I think not.
BONUS: Your wailing will be drowned out by the sound of the water. Forget singing, showers are the best places to cry at The University of Missouri Columbia.
7. Late Night Rollins
If it’s finals week, most of the people there are probably in the same boat as you. And nothing is more comforting than knowing other people are freaking out too, right? 12am pizza and milkshakes? I think yes. Group-pity? Also…yes.
8. Your Room
This is definitely the easiest when it comes to the best places to cry at The University of Missouri Columbia. Spend a day (or two) in bed watching documentaries on Netflix and crying about dogs bonding with prisoners or the mistreatment of whales in captivity. (See: Dogs on the Inside, Blackfish)
9. Any Lecture Hall
Preferably during a class that you’re not in, with a professor you’ve never met. This is more of a short-term solution than the others, but 2 minutes of screaming in front of an audience of 300 can be surprisingly therapeutic.
10. KOMU Newsroom
…Because they definitely have nothing better to do than listen to your tragic circumstances. Not busy producing news or anything. Bonus points if you end up on camera.