Dear Ex-Best Friend,
I am not sure if you are aware, but, I haven’t been okay lately. Not speaking to you every day doesn’t seem normal, ex-best friend. I’m not sure whether or not you are doing alright or if your world is just as crushed as mine from losing you. I am not okay, bestie. I miss you with all my heart and the day doesn’t feel quite right without your face.
I miss our endless nights of talking on the phone about nothing at all. I miss the days when we’ll meet up at your house and you’ll do my hair. You were such a great hair stylist even though you didn’t go to school for it. Little did you know, I used to get so many compliments from what you have done. Why wouldn’t I tell you that? Then, there were the times when you would come over my house and get comfortable; we’ll play games and talk about everything under the sun. I think that’s what I miss the most… the talking.
How could I have been so stupid to let you go? How could I have not seen how much you mean to me before? I guess the old cliché is right, sometimes, you’ll never know you’ve had until you’ve lost it. I should’ve never let you feel that someone else can come between our friendship. I thought I was doing things right by keeping you too apart. I never knew how emotional you were about me until she came around. How could you feel defensive? I thought I made it clear that you were my best friend.
I AM ANGRY! You left me with a hole in my heart with no words at all. Bestie, you were in my life one minute and gone the next. I swear, I didn’t know what hit me. I tried calling and there was no answer. I tried liking and commenting on your pictures on social media and there was no reply. To be honest, I had a feeling that I knew what you were upset about. You thought I placed my other friend above you, but that wasn’t the case. I have known you damn near all my life and you found so easy to let me go! I cried the day I saw you in the lobby of my job. I had no idea you worked a floor below me.
I could tell your feelings towards me changed no matter how many years you’ve known me. I called out your name so loudly in the middle of the lobby to the point where everyone was staring at me. You looked at me with aggravated eyes and energy. I should have never walked up to you to speak since you stared at me that way. Our talk was beyond uncomfortable and mediocre. I couldn’t have been happier to see you but I couldn’t say the same about you. It seemed as if you completely forgot about me. You walked away from me while I was still standing there, not believing what the hell just happened. It was official. I was absolutely and positively out of your life for good. I walked to my car more upset than I have ever been in a long time. I tried talking to my mother about it. All I can remember doing is crying hysterically mid-sentence. I had no idea those feelings were so intense.
My heart broke into a million pieces because I thought we could have talked this thing through. But, like always I was wrong. I guess I didn’t know you at all. I don’t like the term I am calling you to everyone who asks about you, ex-best friend. It doesn’t seem quite right; yet, it still feels hopeful in a sense. I’ve had dreams of how much fun we used to have, times when you were there for me when no one else was, dreamt of how I took advantage of your understanding of me and I took it for granted. I am a mess as you can see, ex-best friend. I need you back into my life, ex-best friend. It is not the same without you. I learned my lesson and paid my dues. If you don’t want to speak to me again, I understand. But, I wish you would so we can rekindle what we lost one last time.
I hope you are happy and well. I see you doing your thing without me, living your life. Even though I am doing the same, I am still cheering you on from afar. We may not be speaking, but please, believe me, I encourage you to go after all your dreams that we once talked about. You deserve, ex-best friend. I swear I hate calling you that.
Your Former Bestie
Do you have any stories about losing friends? I know many of us do. Please do not be afraid to share down below on how you and your best became not so best anymore. This was the true story of mine. Until next time, see you soon!
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I've been a writer all my life! A good one I must add. Not to be cocky, but I cannot think of anything else to do with my life besides writing. I love to write about what I know along with what I find most interesting about life. I run a BLOG about my journey of leaving home and driving across country to Los Angeles (you're gonna want to read it, it's pretty funny). My dreams are to become an author and to freelance write where ever I can. I can envision myself, interviewing those I admire the most in their careers. That can mean a wide range of people from celebrities to struggle artist on the street. It doesn't matter. As long as you inspire me, to aspire you. Then, I'm good.