Dear Ex-Best Friend,
I am not sure if you are aware, but, I haven’t been okay lately. Not speaking to you every day doesn’t seem normal, ex-best friend. I’m not sure whether or not you are doing alright or if your world is just as crushed as mine from losing you. I am not okay, bestie. I miss you with all my heart and the day doesn’t feel quite right without your face.
I miss our endless nights of talking on the phone about nothing at all. I miss the days when we’ll meet up at your house and you’ll do my hair. You were such a great hair stylist even though you didn’t go to school for it. Little did you know, I used to get so many compliments from what you have done. Why wouldn’t I tell you that? Then, there were the times when you would come over my house and get comfortable; we’ll play games and talk about everything under the sun. I think that’s what I miss the most… the talking.
How could I have been so stupid to let you go? How could I have not seen how much you mean to me before? I guess the old cliché is right, sometimes, you’ll never know you’ve had until you’ve lost it. I should’ve never let you feel that someone else can come between our friendship. I thought I was doing things right by keeping you too apart. I never knew how emotional you were about me until she came around. How could you feel defensive? I thought I made it clear that you were my best friend.
I AM ANGRY! You left me with a hole in my heart with no words at all. Bestie, you were in my life one minute and gone the next. I swear, I didn’t know what hit me. I tried calling and there was no answer. I tried liking and commenting on your pictures on social media and there was no reply. To be honest, I had a feeling that I knew what you were upset about. You thought I placed my other friend above you, but that wasn’t the case. I have known you damn near all my life and you found so easy to let me go! I cried the day I saw you in the lobby of my job. I had no idea you worked a floor below me.
I could tell your feelings towards me changed no matter how many years you’ve known me. I called out your name so loudly in the middle of the lobby to the point where everyone was staring at me. You looked at me with aggravated eyes and energy. I should have never walked up to you to speak since you stared at me that way. Our talk was beyond uncomfortable and mediocre. I couldn’t have been happier to see you but I couldn’t say the same about you. It seemed as if you completely forgot about me. You walked away from me while I was still standing there, not believing what the hell just happened. It was official. I was absolutely and positively out of your life for good. I walked to my car more upset than I have ever been in a long time. I tried talking to my mother about it. All I can remember doing is crying hysterically mid-sentence. I had no idea those feelings were so intense.
My heart broke into a million pieces because I thought we could have talked this thing through. But, like always I was wrong. I guess I didn’t know you at all. I don’t like the term I am calling you to everyone who asks about you, ex-best friend. It doesn’t seem quite right; yet, it still feels hopeful in a sense. I’ve had dreams of how much fun we used to have, times when you were there for me when no one else was, dreamt of how I took advantage of your understanding of me and I took it for granted. I am a mess as you can see, ex-best friend. I need you back into my life, ex-best friend. It is not the same without you. I learned my lesson and paid my dues. If you don’t want to speak to me again, I understand. But, I wish you would so we can rekindle what we lost one last time.
I hope you are happy and well. I see you doing your thing without me, living your life. Even though I am doing the same, I am still cheering you on from afar. We may not be speaking, but please, believe me, I encourage you to go after all your dreams that we once talked about. You deserve, ex-best friend. I swear I hate calling you that.
Your Former Bestie