Seattleites are a rare mix of sarcasm, coffee, and raincoats under the gray Seattle sky. We are well known for our passive aggressive abilities and inability to handle the smallest snow fall. Take a quick look to see if any of these resonates with your Pacific North West soul.
You know that umbrellas are a sign of weakness
The foreigner to Seattle can be spotted from far away, sporting that colorful umbrella and galoshes. Not only do Seattleites have a variety of trusted rain jackets (most likely a black Northface), but we have braved worst storms in flip flops. We basically are waterproof in the North West.
You know the sunny days in spring are like unicorns
When the heavens open up for a moment, we lumber out of our caves like sun starved bears and rejoice as we peer at the orb in the sky. It’s usually a long winter of rain and slush and the North West hasn’t seen the sun in months. You know to take full advantage of those sun rays and take a half day because it will be a couple of weeks before we take off our raincoats again.
You see snow and it makes you nervous
It’s that time of year again, and the cold air is blowing down from Canada. Seattleites are notorious for their inexperience with snowy conditions. There are times when you abandon all hope, leave the car on the side of the road in some weird angle and call the friend who has a truck to take you home.
You have several coffee houses on rotation
You have that one on the way to work, the one with great wifi, the one with live music on Saturdays nights, and the one that makes your favorite treat yourself cup. Seattleites also have their Starbucks order memorized, but thats only if you’re desperate.
You can pronounce complicated city names
You can toss a stone and hit a weed store
Seattleites are very proud of legalizing recreational use of weed back in 2012. Since then, North West weed stores seem to be as plentiful as our evergreen trees. The taxes from weed sales go to benefit Washington’s Medicaid system as well as substance-abuse education and treatment programs.
You know to stay away from freeways during rush hour
With our preindustrial lack of public transportation, most Seattleites own their own car. However, this means that freeways get backed up when everyone is getting off work at 5pm, and things get claustrophobic. Don’t worry, they will hopefully be done with the light rail in the year 3032.
You only have a few clothing options for a classy dinner
If you are the average Seattleite, your formal wear has pretty limited options. And they are usually black. We know you fashionistas have buckets of clothes and closets full of dresses, but you’re the North West minority. And we are coming to you when we need heels.
You sprint away from conflict
A Seattleite can stun an unexacting victim with their passive aggressive laser beam and leave you wondering if things have been resolved or not. Heaven forbid that we have an issue with a stranger. It usually results in a sarcastic, unsigned letter taped to your apartment door. Confronting issues head on is usually not our strong suit.
You wait for the vape cloud out of that Subaru’s window
Smoking is dead in Seattle, long live vaping. I think we are all waiting to hear the health risks of vaping, but until that time comes those are pretty sick smoke rings.