It’s time to take control of your sexual pleasure and get the most out of your orgasm. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to please your partner (and you should), you don’t have to sacrifice your needs to satisfy his. Although sex without climaxing is still quite enjoyable, it’s time to take the reins and bask in the most intense orgasms possible.
1. Extend Foreplay
Build sexual arousal by extending foreplay and fully enjoying each other’s body before intercourse. This can be difficult if your man is ready to go, but you can take control by taking turns pleasing him orally and telling him what you want him to do to you. Another way to delay gratification is to start verbally. Send him dirty texts when he is at work or away from you. Visualize everything that turns you on the most and share some details with him. This gives you time to warm up and increase sexual desire. When he gets home, go ahead and fill him in on every detail and start moving his hands where you want them. Tell him you want to take your time with him to get the full effect of pleasing each other. By the time you allow him to bring you over the edge, you both with have strong orgasms that echo throughout your body.
2. Stop Faking It
You HAVE to stop faking orgasms if you want the Earth to quake with your man. If he thinks he is already pleasing you then he isn’t going to know what actually turns your gears. Why are you faking it anyway? According to a paper in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Erin Cooper and her colleagues at Temple University and Kenyon College discovered that hundreds of the college women they surveyed have faked an orgasm at least once. The most common reasons included:
- Make her partner feel good
- It turns her on
- Insecure or afraid
- Wants the sex to stop
- Embarrassed or self-conscious
- Worried she will not reach orgasm
By faking orgasms, you are depriving yourself and your partner of authentic intimacy. Most men are completely willing to do what it takes to please you. The ones who aren’t willing to satisfy you are not worth having sex with anyway.
3. Fully Understand Yourself
You can’t exactly tell your partner what you need to reach orgasm if you are not entirely sure yourself. Even if you are able to climax when you are alone, try different positions and techniques with yourself first. If you normally lay on your back, try laying on your stomach, sitting up, and even standing up. It may take practice to get out of the norm, but eventually you will discover many different ways you can reach orgasm. In a survey by OMGYes, the location of preferred touch varied among women in the following way:
- Around the clitoris and hood: 1 in 2 women
- Brushing over clitoris, no pressure: 1 in 4 women
- No touching clitoris at all: 1 in 20 women
- Pressure on the mons, above where the pubic hair grows: 1 in 12 women
Share what you know works with your partner and be open to experiment with different techniques.
4. Have An Emotional Connection
While casual sex can be fun, it is not as fulfilling as sex with someone you have an emotional connection with. The best orgasms undoubtedly come with someone you trust and feel safe around. It can be difficult to climax if both partners are thinking of someone else. If you have to fantasize during sex, be sure it includes the person you are having sex with. When you have a deep emotional connection, you are far more likely to open up about the secret sex fantasies that bring strong orgasms for both of you. Since being relaxed is key to great sex, it only makes sense to do it with someone you feel free to be yourself in bed. Talking during sex and occasional eye contact can help strengthen the connection while you are working your way to an amazing orgasm.
5. Bring In Some Backup
Let’s face it, sometimes sex alone isn’t going to do the trick. When this happens, do not neglect your orgasm! You are not merely a masturbation tool for your man and deserve to get as much sexual pleasure from the experience as he does. It is perfectly fine to place his hand down there to stimulate your clitoris while having sex. Give him a show by doing it yourself. If you feel self-conscious doing that and can’t relax enough to orgasm, try using a vibrator. Try different speeds to find the right one for you and let him help you. There are a lot of sex toys you can try out and play with. Add some excitement with different oils and creams. He won’t be able to get enough of you and you will be twitching in pleasure from the mind-blowing orgasms you have.
6. Be More Demanding
There will be times when your man reaches orgasm before you do and that is okay. That doesn’t mean his job is over. Although he probably cannot continue to have sex, you can still make sure he helps you. Ask him to finish you off with his hand, oral sex, or a sex toy. There is no need to feel disappointed about this and whatever you do, do not get mad. Instead take it as a compliment and look at it as an opportunity to explore other ways he can help you to enjoy the sexual encounter with him. It may take time and a lot of experimentation before you are able to have orgasms with your partner, especially if it is a new partner. Don’t give up if the rest of the relationship is going well. With a little patience and practice, you will both be having the best orgasms of your life!
Share in the comments what has worked for you to make the most out of your orgasms.
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essica Hope Murphy is a student at Ashford University studying English and Journalism & Mass Communications. If she isn't writing, she is fishing, cooking, or entertaining friends. In addition to Society19, her work can be found on Points In Case, Cracked Mirrors Online, LinkedIn, Murphy Review, and in The National Library of Poetry.