If you’re in a romantic relationship, or just at the beginning of one, you may start to see certain behaviors and signs leading you to believe something could be wrong. Attachment styles were used to determine the behaviors of infants and children by observing how they interact with adult caretakers and relatives. As children, we come to learn how to speak and express desires then later in life, decode meaning in order to behave appropriately.
Attachment styles can apply to platonic and familial relationships as well as intimate. Discussed is pertaining to romantic relationships specifically. Everyone is familiar with showing signs of affection and closeness. How quick can you detect detachments? Consider the two main ideas: attachment and avoidant. These will be the key five attachment styles that can hinder, or even show signs of negative relationship progress.
Secure – Autonomous
When we feel secure in a romantic relationship, that would be easy to assess. First and foremost, both partners would want to spend time with one another and have open discussions. They will do just about anything that is enjoyable for both partners when possible. Insecurity arises when the needs of one partner or both are not met. For example, if you know your partner cooks your favorite meal every weekend, then it becomes every other, and so on, you might feel as though they are tired of cooking for you when in reality, it could also be another reason.
Often times, when love is received less frequently, our minds wire to think we are no longer wanted. Communicating such as asking if they are okay would help dismiss the assumption.
Avoidant – Dismissing
For some people, it is a normal response to ignore or step away from communicating for a while. For others, this would be concerning behavior that should be addressed. If you or your partner would rather sleep on the couch alone or insist upon shopping alone, there is no need to be alarmed as independence from others can be a time to reflect on self-awareness. However, if it occurs after an argument which becomes unresolved.
Your partner may be avoiding to assess their own feelings about the situation or has contemplated about your relationship. When there is zero conversation, intimacy, or resolution, your partner is expressing avoidant behavior.
Anxious – Preoccupied
Anxious Attachment is split into two parts: Anxious Attachment and Anxious Avoidant. Humans may feel anxious about almost anything that is seen as threatening. To simply put it, when you get too close to someone, you get anxious. When you feel disconnected, you get anxious. Relationship pertained anxiety is not the same as being nervous. Anxious Attachment is worrying about the lack of intimate behaviors between you and your partner.
Anxious avoidant means there is something you feel about your partner or relationship that has become bothersome, therefore, you provide unhealthy space between you and your partner. You think about the “what ifs.”
Disorganized – Unresolved
Unfortunately, the disorganized attachment style can be caused by lingering or unresolved trauma which you have experienced at some point in life. This is the point in life where moments in the relationship change within seconds. One day, you feel like you are with the greatest person in the world. Then, you feel as though you are trapped and have no way out. Such behaviors carry on a dark mindset.
People who have come from abusive relationships or know of others who experienced it will most likely be in the position where they become indecisive in their relationship. This attachment style can be overcome with persistent professional therapy, self-assessment, and by trying new things in the relationship. Eliminate things that are uncomfortable or strictly unacceptable.
How Do All Four Combine?
Believe it or not, everyone goes through each of these attachment styles at least once in their lives. As we meet new people, get into new relationships, we find ourselves shaping and conforming to what others like because that is what we think would help relationships last. As you may have read, some ideas have correlated with each other such as anxious and avoidant attachment.
When someone makes you feel unsafe, you will very well detach yourself and that is okay. What matters is how you can overcome the negative behaviors and if you are able to get out of a bad relationship when necessary.