Let’s face it, most of us haven’t had that many “great” relationships. Everyone is still figuring things out in their early 20’s, which makes it difficult to develop a healthy relationship. That’s why when one does come along, you’ll probably notice a couple things are different. here are 15 signs you’re in a very healthy relationship!
1. You won’t be constantly checking your phone to see if they texted.
Millennials not checking phones?! Shocking. But really, when you get in a healthy relationship where you don’t rely on notifications from “___ heart emoji, monkey covering eye emoji, inside joke weird emoji”, you’ll notice the difference. You’ll be more present in your day-to-day, in classes, and at work.
2. They support your hobbies
You want to learn how to play tennis again? Great! You want to learn to tap dance? Amazing! You want to join a book club? Fantastic. Healthy relationships thrive on time away from each other working on yourselves.
3. Your partner will hold you accountable for your goals
If you say you want to lose ten pounds or get that promotion by the end of the year — they’ll help you get there. Even if it’s uncomfortable to remind you to work out or polish your LinkedIn instead of binging television. That’s love.
4. Not sweating the small stuff
Can’t agree on a show to watch? No problem. Irritated by them not putting the toilet seat down? Chill out! Nothing is wrong. Knowing to not blow up small annoyances and not sweating the small problems you have is key in a healthy relationship.
5. The only games they play with you are board games
“You have to wait one hour to reply,” “turn you read receipts on so they know you saw it but don’t reply,” and “just reply with ‘okay’ so they know they messed up” are distant memories in your mind! Not only is it unnecessary to play games in a healthy relationship but it’s also out of place. When you’re able to communicate clearly, effectively, and concisely, you tend to fill your time with other, more fun games, like Boggle.
6. They actively listen to you
Active listening is a fun thing to apply not only in job interviews, but also in your everyday relationships. Having a partner that actively listens is paramount; it means they actually care about your thoughts, your ideas, your worries—in short, it means they care about you. Be with someone that you’d want to listen to and that wants to listen to you. Whether it be them rambling about a co-worker that clicks pens or their very convincing conspiracy theory about Disneyland, you should want to tune in.
7. You are allowed to disagree and not worry about the chance that you’ll break up
You shouldn’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells when you want to disagree with your partner. Your opinions should be shared thoughtfully, even if you know they’ll disagree with you. After all, you wouldn’t want your entire relationship to be one huge agreement, right? Partners should be able to challenge each other’s opinions without concern that this is the big fight that ends it all.
8. Thinking about your future doesn’t freak either of you out
In fact, it should make you excited! If this makes you anxious, or you can’t see yourself with your partner in five years—run. Don’t waste your time or theirs. In a healthy relationship, you should want to plan a bit more in the future together. Nothing crazy like buying a house with a white picket fence and having 2.5 kids — but maybe a nearby weekend getaway a couple months in advance.
9. Your friends like them, and you like their friends!
Cannot stress this enough. Friends are like dogs that live with older, single women. These dogs might bark when a rude neighbor confronts the said older, single woman about leaving the tv on too loud one night. Dogs know things, specifically, who or who not to trust. Trust your dogs, and trust your friends about partners.
10. They aren’t a mean person
This should go without saying, but there are mean people in the world that like to disguise their meanness in other characteristics so you don’t notice that they’re an awful person. These characteristics could be that they’re charming, playful, or describe themselves as a jerk with a heart of gold. Don’t be fooled: they’re still a jerk. Anti-heroes are only charming in fiction.
11. You know how to fight better
This might sound uncomfortable, but learning how to fight with each other is the sign of a healthy relationship. Not beating around the bush, texting “goodnight” at 5pm and drawing it out longer, or other petty things to prolong the awkwardness of discussing a problem you mutually have is hard. But the more you practice how to communicate your problems with each other makes it easier the more you do it, and cuts down on the time it takes to fight.
12. You know how they like to receive love
Everyone’s heard of the five love languages (if you haven’t google it and take the test…it’s FUN). The five languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Now, no one has to stick with these five categories, but it’s a good jumping off point to think about the general way your partner likes to receive love. For example, if you notice that they seem more excited about watching their favorite movie with you than the $80 pair of shoes you bought them but for their birthday, they probably care more about spending quality time with you than receiving gifts.
13. You are your own individual people
You know those couples that sort of start to dress alike? Don’t do that, that can’t be healthy. I believe that a strong sense of self is essential to a healthy relationship. After all, you didn’t fall for yourself did you? Of course it’s okay to embrace characteristics of your partner, like their commitment to family, but don’t adopt their entire music catalog or favorite comedians. They fell for you too, after all.
14. You both put in effort
The longer people date for, the more comfortable they get. It happens with friends too — where you’d rather stay in than go out, watch a movie instead of something active like hiking. In healthy relationships, it’s important to stay active. Try a new restaurant together, wear that fancy dress you bought but are a little nervous to wear, and explore a new neighborhood.
15. You no longer hold men to the same standard as rom-com leading men
Only when in a healthy relationship do you realize that Noah Calhoun dangling himself off a Ferris wheel to get Allie to talk to him, then building a house for her after not seeing her for six years is insane. You value normal things about your partner, like him picking up takeout food and being kind to your friends.
Are there any other signs that you’re in a healthy relationship!? Share in the comments below!
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