Your shoe choice has a massive impact on how your weekend is going to play out. Although most of the time girls wearing heels can control themselves and can suggest that you are a classy gal, there are a few downfalls from looking provocative.
1. High Ankle Strap Heels
If you are eager to meet you imminent death, then I suggest wearing these heels out. Look out for cracks in the sidewalk, for those may look innocent, but they are indeed violent enough to make you topple over and end your night short. The girls that can sport these posh pieces of plastic are fierce. You do not want to mess with these girls for they have the willpower to stare you down from the top of the stairs and glide down them without stumbling even an inch. The pain level of these relentless heels tops in at a high eight, unless you’ve had at least three cups of jungle juice.
Wedges are a fantastic choice in the heat of summer, but during the beginning of spring semester you better hope that while you’re partying it up, mother nature doesn’t decide to throw you a curve ball and shower the ground with snow. Because if this is the case you are about to meet the grim reaper himself. If your ankle doesn’t come flying out of the strap causing you to fall flat on your face, then you have only completed phase one of the hunger games, for small hills turn into Mount Everest and ice is not your friend. The pain level of these chic heels can range anywhere from a three to a seven for the height of these puppies has a significant difference in comfort.
If you’re going for the “damn I look fancy, but I actually just bought these from the Rue21 sale rack for exactly $9.99” then stilettos are the heels for you. They are not only the perfect excuse to sling the rest of your flask down your throat due to the pain factor reaching an excruciating 10, but you can also switch the scenes up and wear them to your arch nemesis’ funeral. Girls sporting these are not phased by the phrase “who do you know here,” but instead are escorted into a frat by the president himself. You’re a bad broad who, yes may have practiced making an entrance down the fraternity stairs on her own steps a thousand times – but damn was it worth it.
Converse are usually paired with a nice half up top bun alongside curled hair to signify that you’re a rebellious hipster who is looking for a conversation rather than two hands grabbing her hips from behind. But, you must be careful for if you dance too hard, the bottom half of your shoe is likely to start to split. An ideal way to make the wrong movement is to have the front part of your Chuck Taylor slip underneath the body and slingshot you face first onto the basement cement. These girls are either fierce contenders on the footwear chart, or just someone who likes to play it cool. Pain factor comes in at a low two.
When wearing flats either you are going for the “Cher from Clueless look” or looking to literally soak your feet in a mixture of frat sludge, beer and straight vodka. Usually a quaint apartment party is the place to be in flats but occasionally you will witness a flat-goer walking down Madbury in snow sludge realizing she had made a grave mistake. You also have the possibility of waking up the next morning with a plethora of broken toes due to the negligence of other party-goers toward your precious feet. Pain factor is a three, but tolerance varies.
6. Riding Boots
Riding boots scream: “Hell yes I am wearing riding boots, and hell yes I just came back from dinner with my parents”. The girls who model boots know they can get a guy without showing off their calf muscles. They are usually the type that rarely socialize with the opposite sex and usually only take a few shots. If their favorite Taylor Swift jam comes on at the party, you know they are the culprit that shouts every word to the song at the top of their lungs, leaving them to the point where they can barely croak out a sentence by the end of the night. These are also the girls who mysteriously don’t sweat, and I need to learn their secret. Pain factor coming in at a very low one.
7. Shower Shoes
If you are an avid party animal shower shoes will prove to be your best friend. They are usually broken out when you have fallen one too many times, now having to use your fracket as a tourniquet around your leg. “I think it’s time to break out the shower shoes” is a common phrase heard anywhere from 12:30 AM to 4:00 AM. You are obviously the baddest broad in the game who just needs to rest her feet once in awhile in order to keep her criminal record clean and her knees spotless. Pain factor is a straight zero.
Nike’s go hand in hand with yoga pants, giving the look of, “I just got the call that my friend puked on the street and fell into a bush, time to go drag her down the street and back home”. You were bred to never take crap and would not be afraid to grid the sole of your sneaker right into someone’s face. Another reason to sport sneakers is at 1:50 AM when you are incoherent but changing as fast as you can into the comfiest shoes making it possible to beat your record time getting a slice of pizza. Pain factor is an extremely low one.