I always thought that dating boys was confusing and overwhelming at times, not because they’re complex, but because it never seemed to turn out the way I expected. I was never fully satisfied and so, I decided to finally fulfill my desire in being with a girl. Then, I started dating girls and realized just how much more complicated it is and here’s why.
You don’t know who should make the first move.
I started my journey off with tinder, because I figured that going the online route may actually be easier than to just find and start speaking to girls in person. It made me respect men a little more for their ability to approach a woman so easily. Anyway, I made my profile with plenty of hope and excitement, only to be let down within the first 24 hours of creating it.
I did NOT know how to talk to girls. Even online it was difficult to determine whether these girls were interested or not, whether they wanted to meet up, or whether they wanted to just have sex. I couldn’t tell. We had good conversations, but they were leading nowhere. It made me realize that one of us had to make the first move, to suggest a date or meet up and for some reason I got nervous at the simple thought of the idea.
I don’t know if every bi-sexual woman feels this way, but with men it’s easier. They would be the first to talk, the ones who asked you out, even suggest a time and place to meet. In a way, I was lucky in the life of dating boys and suddenly the tables were turned. I was being challenged to make the first move and I didn’t know how.
Even when you do make the first move, the girl may not be into other girls.
Once I finally had the confidence and enough drinks to go up to a girl, I felt what it meant to get rejected—multiple times. This is not to say that I haven’t been reject by guys, because I have. But, I never went out on a limb with them as much as I have done with girls. It was difficult to even start dating girls, because the process in finding a girl, who is also into girls, is a little more challenging.
I would start dancing with them, flirt, tell them how beautiful they are—only to discover their disinterest in being with a girl at all. Not going to lie, it hurt. The first time made me not ever want to speak to another girl again, but I realized that wasn’t going to find me the love and relationship I deserved.
How you act with a girl on a date, is going to be different than how you act with a boy.
I would let boys buy my drinks, my dinner, and my ride home. Mostly because they were the ones willing to do it. Maybe it’s just me, but when dating girls, I suddenly want to be the one doing all of those things. I wanted to buy them dinner and the drinks and the ride home for us.
Then, there would be the girls that surprised me by doing the same and wanting to pay for parts of the date. It felt more like a shared activity, rather than one person paying for the whole thing. It felt less obligatory to be a certain way, because the other person is paying for everything. It’s always nice to be spoiled, but sharing the tab had its benefits as well.
It was interesting having the tables turned. Honestly, I don’t know how men afford it, but I’m trying.
It’s been hard to decipher a label and make things official.
I would be dating girls, only to realize that I wasn’t interested. I would be dating girls, only to find out their disinterest. I have yet to find a girl and actually make it official with her. I think the problem is that I’m still too new to it all. I don’t know how to show a girl that I truly want to be in a relationship with her. Maybe it’s all about timing and when I find the right person, it will happen naturally—whether it’s a boy or girl.
All I know is that I’m grateful for the experience that dating girls has taught me. I’m lucky to be a bi-sexual woman, even if it is really complicated at times.