When we get older, we don’t always expect our family unit to change, as we always had comfort in the kind of home we grew up in. It’s familiar and it’s what we know. It’s that almost constant component of security. But when that constant is disrupted, so is our life and we aren’t exactly sure how to cope. When you parents get a divorce, there isn’t an ideal time in the child’s life in which it’s more convenient. It’s harsh at any time for tons of reasons. If you’re having a difficult time, here are some ways how to deal with your parents’ divorce.
1. Remain Neutral
All divorces are not the same. The reasons are different, as are the circumstances. In certain cases, you may be pressured or feel obligated to pick a side. In terms of a parents’ divorce, it may help if you remain neutral through the process. There are times when one parent feels they’re in the right and the other is in the wrong. A lot of times, as their children, we can be seen as a safe space for them to talk as we know better than others what the relationship consisted of. However, remaining neutral will not only ensure that you can keep a safe distance from any animosity, but also be a touch stone for when things get bumpy. When all is said and done, you’ll always know that you were as civil as you could be at times when others couldn’t. And that shows strength.
2. Maintain Boundaries
At the beginning of this process, wounds may still be fresh. There are times when others may say something in the heat of the moment they can’t take back. This ties to the importance of remaining neutral. Setting boundaries, and reminding the ones you love that you’re a part of this process as well will remind them that you’re also being affected by this. Setting certain boundaries through the process will prevent possible problems if you’re more removed from them. Being thrown into the mix may leave scars that will take a long time to heal, and asking for those boundaries is a precautionary way to prevent that.
3. Talk To Someone You Trust
It may sound like one of the more obvious ways how to deal with your parents’ divorce, but it’s important to stress that you should have someone to talk to. Someone removed from the issues like a professional or a close friend. Having someone outside of this problem will ensure the person is objective through it. And having this person as someone you trust will ensure that your well-being and happiness is a priority. Through this process, it’s important to have a safe space. This safe space should be filled with people that have your best interest at heart. A distraction from time to time is also very healthy, like a movie date with your best friend or a a wonderful book you have been meaning to read. Don’t forget to take time for yourself.
4. Consider That It May Be For The Best
Through this difficult time, we often wish things could just go back to the way things were. If that were the case, everyone would be happy. We daydream about the possibilities of second chances. But sometimes coming to the realization that separating may be the best thing for the family is something to consider. It might be a hard pill to swallow, understandably so, but often adults must be apart to truly find happiness. We, as their children, aren’t to blame for this. Sometimes, it’s healthier for two people to move on and find happiness. Realizing this, and supporting your parents’ decision to take this very difficult step is sometimes hard, but a mature way of realizing that sometimes it’s for the best.