It was a sunny, cloud-free day- you know, the type where birds are chirping right and left and all you want to do is eternally bask in the positive, blissful energy radiating from the sun and atmosphere. But of course, my euphoric alternate reality came to a striking halt when I received a text from a number I never thought I would see flash across my screen again.
My heart began to race as I tried to make sense of the series of hateful messages popping up on my screen at a rate I could barely keep up with. Um, I kind of knew this day would come? Honestly, not really, because my “situationship” with this particular individual ended so extraordinarily awful that I really didn’t think I would ever hear from this psychopath ever again. But alas, approximately one year after things went sour, he was back. And he was vengeful.
After finally deciphering the very jumbled series of text messages on my screen that were obviously sent in a fit of fury and wrath, I bust out into uncontrollable laughter. Being in a new relationship at the time, I was baffled. Like, this person was STILL mad? I thought we had all moved on…? Trust me, I was VERY tempted to return the same anger that he had unleashed on me, not because I was still hurt, but because I was annoyed that this person thought they could just return back into my life and attempt to demean and belittle me again. I went through it before, and I was not about to go through it again.
Although I highly doubt that most people reading this have gone through a series of events as dramatic as what occurred throughout the duration of time that I knew this individual, the bottom line is that you’re probably going to be contacted by an ex, an old FWB, that guy you went on that one horrid Tinder date with- doesn’t matter, It’s bound to happen. But luckily, you can prepare yourself for that dreadful day. Here are 3 things NOT to do when your crazy ex finally texts you.
1. DON’T be vengeful
If they woke up on the wrong side of the bed and seem to be unleashing all of their pent up anger and frustrations against you, don’t reciprocate the same fury back. Yes, I know it will be tempting. But ask yourself this- do you WANT to look pressed? Because they definitely are, and what’s the point of returning the same vengeance if you truly have moved on? If you’re still angry with them and feel the need to cuss them back out, then you need to reassess why you still harbor those feelings in the first place.
2. DON’T text them a novel
Keep it short and simple. We’re not about to unleash last years old trauma all over again. Texting back a 5-paragraph essay to your crazy ex detailing all of their character faults and the various ways in which they traumatized you is the easiest way to make yourself look pressed AF. And you will regret it. Keep it cool and collectable and they’ll feel dumb for even reaching out to you in the first place.
3. DON’T respond immediately
They’re fishing for a response- they want to know if you’re still there and if you’re still an option. Responding immediately sends exactly the kind of signal that you don’t want. They’ll see your response and take that lack of hesitation as an invitation back into your life. Really think about what you want to say, or if it’s even worth responding to this turd at all.
4. DON’t forget why they’re your ex
Ok, let’s say they’re not vengeful. So they just want to know how you’re doing and maybe… catch up? Nah- it’s a trap, and they’re STILL your crazy ex. In the unlikely twist that they now seem to be a normal person, completely detached from the guy that put you through years of pure hell, you can’t forget why things never worked out in the first place. He’s texting you because he’s bored, wants to see if he can shoot his last shot and if you’ll still be readily available like you once always were. Don’t fall for his sick, twisted mind games, and really remember why this person is not in your life anymore.
5. DON’T go back and forth with them
YOUR EX IS YOUR EX FOR A REASON. They’re in the past and they need to stay there. Please, for the love of God, do not go back and forth with them and stretch out this dreaded encounter longer than it needs to go. Say what you need to say, keep it short and simple, block them, and then- POOF! They’re out of your life forever.