Dating truths can be hard to learn. I hate to say it by my high school years are over. In high school I knew nothing about dating or liking a boy because to me they were all immature dorks I didn’t want to waste my time on. Now that I’m in college I have a little bit more experience with boys. The beginning of my freshman year was filled with late night study sessions with my roommate Lexi, and others were filled with binge-watching The Vampire Diaries and Criminal Minds on Netflix. I’ve learned a lot in the classroom, but I’ve also had the most painful lessons when I was most vulnerable outside of it. I remember talking and crying with my roommates about our relationships in the past, and about how horrible guys are. We all just broke down together spilling all of our deepest, darkest secrets. Here are some lessons I’ve learned about love.
1) I need to be honest with me, myself, and I
My mom has always told me to look out for myself, and to be independent for you before you let any guy come into your life. All college girls and even high school girls need to here that. Don’t be that girl that thinks it’s ok if a guy only talks to her late at night because he’s “lonely”. That’s not boyfriend material. Don’t let one text prove to you that he loves you.
Sometimes a hook-up is just that. Nothing more. A player is just a player. He’s not the guy you end up marrying. You can’t fall for a douchebag and expect a prince charming. Don’t be fooled.
2) Don’t call yourself “his” hookup
This is what happens when it comes to hookups, a guy wants a girl, the guy convinces the girl to give in to him, the guy gets what he wants, then the guy leaves and the girl is hurt. But as you can tell that’s all a one-sided story. Hey guess what. Girls have sex needs too and can play that game just as fast as guys. Also, girls are allowed to have hookup partners as well. If you have someone that you’re having casual here and there sex with, just do it. Just remember when you get rid of him your his hookup and he’s yours.
3) Not every boy you like or talk to will want to date you and that’s not the end of the world
Some guys will take you out to dinner and text you that night; some will take you 0ut one or a couple times – and stop talking to you randomly. You might think you did something wrong, but you need to realize both of those scenarios I just mentioned are fine. Normally, those scenarios usually happen. On one hand, you have an amazing guy who wants to keep seeing you again. On the other hand, you’ve become aware that the guy isn’t worth your time. Don’t ruin your mascara and eyeliner for that second guy; because he probably isn’t crying over you.
4) Who the f**k cares if you forget to shave your legs
I’ve had 2 hookups in my day. One was planned ahead of time, (so I got to shower and make my bed look nice and make myself look pretty), and the other one happened when I wasn’t thinking it was going to happen. There’s something cool and different about each time, but something has been the same for both times. No guy has ever said “ummm did you not shave today?”
5) Don’t call yourself a slut
One thing that makes ma angry about high school and college dating it’s just a number game, or the idea of the number of girl’s she’s slept with relates to how slutty or easy she must be. Even though having a lot of sex partners does make it more possible that a person has had an STD or STI in their lifetime, it has no impact on someone’s moral standards and their self-worth.
So you’ve slept with 8 guys this month, who gives a s**t. SO you hooked up with 3 guys in the same frat, who gives a s**t. Be smart, and be safe. Look out for yourself. Don’t worry about the rest.
6) Don’t sit around for a guy to text or call you
If you want to talk to someone text them. If you want to see if he wants to come to a party with you, ask. Most guys like girls who makes the first move and is confident enough to say what she’s really thinking. And if he doesn’t like that, get rid of him. You may be “needy” or “thirsty” but at least you’re not a sexist a**hole.
7) Stop stalking his new girl
Yeah, she’s with the old guy you were obsessed with. And yeah, she’s annoyingly gorgeous, even though your best friends promise you that you’re wayyyyyy better than her. It hurts to admit, but- you guys have a lot in common.
Don’t follow the myth that all girls have to compete with each other to get a guy to pay attention to you. There will always be a girl out there that will catch your guy’s eye, and honestly that’s ok. Just remember that her beauty does nothing from your own beauty.
8) Don’t let a guy move you away from your goals
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Pink Moscato and Strawberry Lemonade Svedka with my best friends is that girls always regret letting a guy tell them what and what not to do with big decisions they need to make. “I wish I didn’t let my ex keep me from studying abroad.” “I wish I spent more time with my friends then my ex let me do.” “I wish I went to my dream school instead of the same school as my boyfriend.”
Don’t be the girl that let’s everything pass her by because her boyfriend said. This is your life; your chance; these are your college years. Not the boys you like or your boyfriends. Don’t share them with someone who isn’t worth it.
9) Not everyone makes a relationship a priority
College is a busy world. Busier than high school. Being in college means balancing academics, work, socializing, and of course partying. It means working on time management and scheduling skills. It means figuring out what’s important to you and pursuing your dreams. If you really want to date someone your freshman year just remember everyone has a busy schedule. If you’re dating someone and they aren’t making time for you sometimes, don’t get upset about it! It’s not because they don’t want to spend time with you- it’s because they are doing their own things and being in a relationship involves time that some people can’t commit.
10) You’re in college for school
College is a time to be on your own and discover yourself, and who you’re going to be. Relationships are fun, but not what college is all about. Use these years for your own development relevant to your dream career. Let hookups and relationships be second. You’re more likely to find the person you’re meant to be with when you aren’t searching for one like I did.
In conclusion, your happiness means more than anything else and these dating truths are saviors. Everyone has their independence. They are trying to figure themselves out. No one in college is finished growing up. In high school dating didn’t take much effort. In college, dating involves actually making time for your partner. You might not have as many classes as them, or on breaks you might live thousands of miles apart. Don’t let a relationship become stressful. Have fun with it, but don’t lose sight of the actual reason you went to college.