The drunkest you have ever been was likely on a Ramen Noodle budget. So if you’re a social drinker or just someone who likes a good wine now and again… this article isn’t for you. This article is a straightforward guide for anyone who wants to get the drunkest with only a few bucks to their name, written by someone who gets drunk with only a few bucks to their name. This is the list of the 8 cheapest ways to get the drunkest for the cheapest, and there is not even one option here for more than twenty dollars.
1. 3 Pack of Bud Ice – $4
This is the option I would suggest to a frat boy on a ramen noodle budget. Bud Ice is your standard lager with a 5.5% alcohol content. What makes it the best option for a budget drinker is each can is 25 ounces, making this equivalent to a standard six-pack. This option is the best when you are a lightweight because if you probably won’t be able to finish three. Each can equal two beers, so if unless you know you need more than a six-pack to get hammered, the three-pack of Bud Ice will get the job done. If you DO need more than six to get you going, the next option is for you.
2. 30 Pack of Natural Light Ice – $16
So you need more than a six-pack, huh? Well, first let me say we could probably be friends. Now that I know you’re cool, I can let you know the 30 pack of Natural Light Ice is the best deal for anyone buying beer. 5.9% Alcohol in each can makes it a force to be reckoned with. Not to mention the 30 pack is only $16 after-tax, it’s going to be a better option long term.
3. Lady Bligh – $10
The first liquor on this list is the best budget liquor I have come in contact with within my time. This 72.5 proof spiced rum is the cheapest rum you can get that is not a generic brand. For only $10, you can get a 750 ml bottle of spiced rum guaranteed to make you walk wobbly. Rum is one of the best options when you are trying to be the drunkest. However, there is one more budget rum that is even better proof for just a few bucks more…
4. Admiral Nelson – $13
Admiral Nelson is one of my favorites on this entire list. It remains one of my favorites because it seems to be very easy to find (around Ohio at least). Not to mention, it is probably the most competitive liquor price I have been able to find. Admiral Nelson is the best offer on rum I have been able to find in my hunts, offering a 750 ml bottle of 101 proof rum for a mere $13. Admiral Nelson It might take a second to get used to the taste, but Admiral Nelson has a way of numbing the flavor after a few shots, although that might just be me getting drunker. I can say personally that Admiral Nelson has gotten me the drunkest I have ever been. The Admiral was there for me when I needed him most, and I hope you give him the chance to be your go-to drink when you only have a twenty-dollar bill.
5. Kamchatka – $14
For those of you who might not be a fan of dark liquor, I got you covered. I assume a vodka may be more your speed, and for that, I picked the best budget vodka I have found. A 1.75-liter bottle of 80 proof Kamchatka is about $14, making it around the same price as the previous entry. What makes it better and places it higher in the ranking though, is that this bottle has double the liquor. So what you sacrifice in tastelessness is rewarded in allowing you to drink twice as much. That being said, if you drink straight vodka without chasers, you probably are void of all emotions.
6. Colt 45 – $2
If I say Colt 45 and you automatically started singing the song, chances are I hate you. Now that that’s out of the way, Number three is the classic 24 oz can Colt 45. Colt45 has been around for years, and it isn’t hard to understand why. I mean, 5.6% alcohol for only 2 bucks makes this the cheapest malt for any malt liquor drinker. But don’t let the price take away from the quality of the product. While it may take a few sips to get your flow, but I promise it will get smoother as you drink.
7. Four Loko – $3
Sometimes in life, you want to get drunk but have just a few dollars left. While I don’t suggest you spend those last few dollars on alcohol, if you were going to you would want the best bang for your buck. For around $3, you can buy a 24 oz can of Four Loko, which boasts a whopping 12% alcohol in each can in a variety of flavors. You might be inclined to buy two the first time you try it… DONT. You probably won’t finish your first can, and even if you did, you wouldn’t be sober enough to open the second can. This makes Four Loko the official drink for anyone trying to get the drunkest on a budget. It would have been number one for sure, but there is one more option which is even crazier than Four Loko.
8. Everclear – <$20
Everything else up to this point should be considered moot if you just want the absolute cheapest way, to get the drunkest. Everclear Grain Alcohol is straight Alcohol with no strings attached. You can find a bottle for less than $20 usually and they range up to 190 proof! Everclear should not be taken lightly, just one whiff of the bottle will give you alcohol-related flashbacks. I won’t even suggest that you try it, because unless you’re a fan of non-flavored liquor and not remembering what you did the night before, then this is probably too much for you. Everclear is proof that sometimes you can have enough of a good thing.
There it was, the absolute best option for anyone trying to get drunk on a budget. Beware though, because the final three options especially can get you so much drunker than you expected. We will not be responsible for anyone losing their lunch trying to take on these drinks. Did we forget your favorite budget alcohol? Make sure you let us know in the comments!
Senior at Central State University. Major in Broadcast Media!