6 Ways To Overcome Your Social Anxiety
As the founder of mental health initiative Asking Jude, I receive dozens of questions on anxiety, particularly social anxiety. By definition, social anxiety can be classified as a strong feeling of discomfort, fear, or worry centered around interactions with other individuals and the apprehension of being judged negatively by said individuals. You basically live your life through other people’s perception of you rather than your own.
Think of it as being the ultimate people-pleaser or pushover.
Believe it or not, social anxiety is more common than you might believe. More than 12% of the general public will experience social anxiety to a clinically significant, diagnosable degree.
While social anxiety can be triggered from an assortment of situations, they mostly arise from interpersonal or performance situations. This can include eating in a restaurant alone, going on a first date, or making a speech.
Social anxiety is often considered a bad thing because of the negative emotions that are appended with it.
However, normal amounts of social anxiety are healthy and perfectly natural to human processes. Social anxiety stems from our primal fight-or-flight response, allowing us to avoid dangerous or even unhealthy situations.
Without anxiety, we would probably not be alive right now. Anxiety is what stems us to move aside from oncoming traffic or run away from some rabid poodle. Social anxiety in particular allows us to be sensitive towards other people’s needs, enabling us to build healthy, lasting relationships with one another.
Social anxiety becomes a problem when it interferes with our everyday functioning and overall quality of life.
If you are continually obsessing over other people’s perceptions of you, avoiding social settings and becoming highly distressed when exposed to such settings, and/or missing out on things we would otherwise strongly need or want to do, there is a chance that you may have social anxiety disorder.
Social anxiety and social phobia originate from a myriad of factors, including genes, our brains, and life experiences. For instance, if as a child, you were constantly made to feel different by your peers, especially by bullies, there is a higher chance that you might develop social anxiety.
Social anxiety can become a serious disorder and may need professional treatment. If you believe you have social anxiety but want a proper diagnosis, seek out a professional! However, besides therapy, there are small things you can do to start managing your social anxiety:
1. Retrain your brain.
If you are constantly surrounding yourself with negative thoughts, you will begin to believe those thoughts. Though this may seem insignificant, the way you perceive things can drastically alter how you behave and interact with others. Thinking such thoughts as “He thinks I’m such a loser” or “They all hate me” work as a pollution to your mindset. You do not live in reality but a fantasy of fear.
Become more cognizant of your thought processes. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, reverse the gears of your thought and think positively. Think thoughts like “We might form a friendship” or “I am going to do really well with this presentation.” I assure you that you will not only be healthier but happier too.
2. Accept that anxiety will always be part of your life.
As stated previously, anxiety is what helps us to survive as animals on this weird, floating sphere. Recognize that you are bound to feel anxious from time to time. However, rather than seeing it as an anxious feeling, view it as “getting excited.” Relabeling anxiety as simply just excitement will allow you to feel more capable of handling said feelings.
Anxiety is often quite an uncomfortable feeling. However, it is a part of life and a very crucial part of it as well. Accepting and appreciating anxiety will allow for the entire concept of it to seem less overwhelming and less alien. As said by Mr. George Orwell, “happiness can exist only in acceptance.”
3. Practice deep breathing.
One of the worst things about anxiety is the panicked states we often fall in. Our hearts beat, our minds race, and we feel completely helpless. Simply breathing in a more introspective way can solve oncoming panic attacks.
When you feel bodily sensations triggered by anxiety, such as sweating, shortness of breath, or racing heartbeat, try inhaling and exhaling for five seconds each. Focus on maintaining as steady of a breath as possible as you inhale and exhale.
Do this for awhile, and I assure you that you will feel more relaxed and at peace with whatever situation you are in.
4. Shift your focus.
With anxiety, it is easy to become narrow-minded, only focusing on possible mistakes you will make or flaws you have. Rather than focus on what you could possibly do wrong in a meeting or a presentation, focus on bettering the task itself.
If you have a presentation, think of ways to make your presentation more coherent and smooth. If you have a meeting, think of ways to make yourself more sociable and friendly. In other words, move your focus away from things you could possibly do wrong to things you could possibly do right.
5. Embrace life’s uncertainties.
When life doesn’t go as planned, it can cause frustration, anxiety, and so many more negative feelings. However, if you not only accept but embrace life’s trials and tribulations, you will be a much healthier and wiser person.
With acceptance, you give yourself the ultimate freedom. This may be a bit of a Stoic approach, but you cannot control life. Really, you can’t. I mean, unless you’re a god or something. If so, e-mail me. We could work something out.
Anyway, most of us muggles can’t control life. You can, however, control how you react to that life and this includes all life’s up’s and down’s and twists and turns.
6. Love yourself.
For the most part, the reason I have social anxiety is because I did not love myself. I still don’t know if I completely love myself. As a kid, I was bullied a lot. They taught me that I was different and that being different was bad. However, I’ve learned that those differences are what make my identity. By accepting and loving myself, I hold pride in who I am, and I’ve become a more complete person.
It’s still very hard. I still struggle with social anxiety everyday. However, the more I challenge anxiety, the less control it has over me. So, while it may seem impossible now, with enough time and practice, it won’t be. It will be easy. And, I know for certain that you guys can do it.
