Yes, I can hear you complaining that Halloween hasn’t even happened yet; that it’s too early to start the countdown. But, it’s the most wonderful time of the year, and we want to make sure you have the most wonderful Christmas jumper to match. Thus we’ve hand picked a selection of the ugliest and silliest Christmas jumpers you should buy for your wardrobe this festive season. Here are some of the best ugly Christmas jumpers!
1. Now here’s a jumper we can all relate to
If the Virgin Mary can get pregnant without a man, then you don’t need no “wise” man to warm you on Christmas day. Gin can do that honey. Friends and family make a pretty amazing substitute too.
2. Killing two doves with one stone
Even the big man upstairs needs to celebrate his birthday. You don’t want to exclude everyone’s favourite saviour, so rock this beautiful (?) ode to the man himself and let him know he’s loved. This is one of the best ugly Christmas sweaters.
CAUTION: the title is just a saying, so please don’t go out flinging stones at birds. No one wants to see that on Christmas day.
3. Bring some liquid magic to your special day
Uniting families on Christmas day is a wonderful thing, but someone always holds a grudge about what Great Granda Joe said to them last year, and starts an argument. It is at this moment you’ll pull out your ginny garment, and sit in the corner quietly sipping on your brew whispering, “here we go again…”
4. Don’t let Santa have all the ho ho ho’s
Please remember to put this marvellous jumper in your Christmas shopping sack. It is the perfect thing to slide on when you see your girls for the yearly Christmas Eve night out.
5. Whip your dance moves out this Christmas
Wear this jumper so everyone knows you’ll be the one rocking around the Christmas tree, rather than cosying up tight to watch It’s a Wonderful Life. You’re the life of the party, so wear something that proves it.
6. Who needs reindeer when you can have unicorns?
Who told you Santa rode a sleigh with 8 reindeer? They lied to you, I’m afraid. Santa has always used a unicorn to get from A to B on Christmas Eve. If you’ve got any sense, you’ll sport this beautiful jumper all December long, and educate people with the truth.
P.s. if you’re leaving a carrot for the unicorn, make sure it’s doused in glitter. They’re very picky about their food.
We like our Christmas jumpers like we like our men: cute and practical. Satisfy your sweet tooth with this portable delight. You can wear it year after year, getting chubby, and spreading Christmas cheer with your sharable treats.
8. The Granny look is very in right now
You’ll look cute-as-a-button in this fabulous find. As Buddy the Elf once said, “the best way to spread Christmas cheer is wearing super tacky sweaters out in public for all to see!”
9. You always find a bargain in Tesco
Every little helps at Christmas time, and if spreading some joy means wearing this Tesco value sweater, then so be it. This is one of our favorite ugly Christmas jumpers.
10. Why not embrace your inner Grinch this Christmas?
Look at his butter-wouldn’t-melt face, and his cute red bowtie. You’re fooling no one mate. Bring some mischief to the office party with this winter warmer. If you see Sandra from Marketing – who you can’t stand – just turn to her and smile. Let your little Grinch friend do the talking.
11. Finally, everyone’s favourite snowy friend
Everyone loves Olaf, so everyone will love this jumper. You’ll be the belle of the bauble everywhere you go in this sparkling sweater. We know it’s a terrible woollen vest, but trust us no one will notice your act of fashion treason – they’ll be too busy fussing over little Olaf. This is one of the ugly Christmas jumpers you need.