A lot of stuff goes down while at uni – good and bad. However, these ten things will probably never happen to you at University of Manchester.
1. A random attractive guy/girl tapping you on the shoulder during an all-nighter in the Ali G to declaring their love for you.
Chances are slim to none (and that is said with the highest level of optimism possible). That being said you could instead trip into the arms of your future significant other during the stampede on Oxford Road on your way to a lecture. But with the way everyone walks around with their phones like a VR attachment on their head, you are more likely to be embraced by the pavement instead.
2. Walking into a lecture late unnoticed.
Don’t bother wearing all black or dark colours, the lecturer will more than likely throw some award winning shade at you or ask you why you’re still wearing your earphones, even though its clear you literally just ran in panting and all. Be on time to avoid the attention of the other 5,000000 people in the room or take the few extra minutes to slay for the lecture theatre so your peers can embask in your amazingness.
3. Getting that well deserved £1.99 4 hot wings and chips doused in burger sauce after a hard 2 hours at uni.
From a South Londoner’s point of view this is the most heart-breaking thing that will never happen to you at UoM.
4. Becoming the mythical creature that has a thriving social life, volunteers, has a job is a member of multiple societies yet still manages to maintain a first and a tidy bedroom that doesn’t have plates and cutlery hidden behind the mirror.
5. Free printing
So please stop including that you will make it happen in your campaign manifestos guys!!
6. Staying in touch with the random person you became ‘friends’ with on your first day of uni knowing that it was a bond formed merely for the purpose of getting you through the awkward day of inductions.
7. Being sent lecture notes
From that ‘friend’ on your course that is not really your friend, but the only person you know who actually goes to every lecture. It is not going to happen, your genuine friends probably won’t either, go to lectures yourself kid.
8. The movies are fake, people bursting at the seams to answer a question in lecture is a very rare occurrence.
As we all know it goes like this, the lecturer asks a question and after an uncomfortable 5 minutes of silence they either whisper the answer into the mic or point to the closest unfortunate soul to answer. FYI if it is ever you calmly look to the person behind you. Who me? It couldn’t be.
9. You will never spend a whole day crying.
Unless you leave all your work to the last minute, which being a student is highly likely, so maybe actually you will, we have all been a victim.