There are so many movies, books, poems, and songs, all about love. But what’s so interesting is that they all seem to focus on the beginning of the love story. No one writes a romance novel about a couple that’s been married for ten years. That’s because that thing people spark is usually nowhere to be seen once the honeymoon phase is over. Well, I have been with my husband for 8 years now, and have learned a trick or two about how to keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship.
It may be in the morning or late at night, but make sure your schedules make space for at least an hour together every day. It doesn’t matter what you do together for that time, as long as you spend it with each other.
You’d be surprised how well this works. Simply asking your partner how he or she is doing, how work is going, or if he is stressed about something, will strengthen your connection as a couple and keep you bonded over time. Learn how to keep the spark alive.
I know it’s tempting to watch Netflix in bed, but it’s not worth it in the long run. Keeping the bedroom free of screens saves you from falling asleep to a Harry Potter marathon instead of doing the things the bedroom was really meant for.
This can be a difficult one if you’re an early bird and your partner is a night owl (my husband doesn’t even need sleep), but try to compromise. If you go to bed at 10 pm and he’s up until 12, aim for 11 pm. If you don’t go to sleep together, sleeping is usually the only thing that happens.
I am not a believer in the whole “distance makes the heart grow fonder”, but I know constant companionship leads to feeling smothered and annoyed. Time in a relationship is a delicate balance, too light causes you to grow apart and too much makes you hate the sound of your partner’s breathing. Find that balance.
Laughter has a direct line to attraction. Ask almost any female what she’s looking for in a partner and 9 times out of 10 she will say ‘someone who makes me laugh’. But here’s the secret, you don’t have to think your partner is funny… you just have to find a way to laugh together, for me that means I laugh at him more than his jokes.
This will take time, and probably a few fights along the way, but when you are with someone long-term you start to see patterns. What things cause you to argue, what causes you to feel close? Does talking about money create tension, do you have a good time when you go to parties or do you usually end up arguing? It doesn’t mean you never do the negative things, it just means you choose more positive ones than negative ones.
Don’t call your sister to complain when you’ve had a fight, no spilling gritty details about your relationship problems to BFF, and no sharing a list of his bad qualities to your mom when you’re frustrated. Seriously, it’s a relationship killer and here’s why. When push comes to shove, you want the people around you to be supportive of your relationship and the person you’ve chosen to share your life with, and they won’t be if all they hear is your partner’s worst moments and qualities. So talk him up, not down.
I am always shocked when I hear that a friend and her partner only have sex once a month and when I ask why, I usually get an answer along the lines of, “Well it didn’t start out that way. It just sort of lessened over time”. Sex in a long-term relationship takes work. It may not be romantic but here is my advice; just do it. Do it when you want to. Do it when you don’t want to. And do it when you’re tired. Do it often, because if you don’t, you’ll end up being the ‘once a month couple’. This can be a key step in how to keep the spark alive.
If you take nothing else from this article, take this. You will grow apart from each other several times over the course of your relationship. The key to staying together is knowing how to come back together. Before the spark ever begins to fade, find out what your ‘thing’ is as a couple. What is the one thing that makes you feel connected, gives you butterflies so to speak. For me and my husband, it’s spending time exploring the outdoors. We fell in love camping and anytime I feel like the attraction is slipping away, I suggest we go for a hike or do a weekend trip into the mountains. It doesn’t need to be anything extravagant, it could be cooking together, watching stand-up comedians, or going to concerts, just find your ‘thing’ and go back to it whenever you need to. It will help you figure out how to keep the spark alive.
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