Depression isn’t just about feeling sad. It’s a serious mental illness that affects millions of people. Depression is hard to pinpoint especially if you’re a not a professional. Being that I was diagnosed, however, here are some signs of depression you should be aware of.
This is terrible. I’m normally an outgoing person. Ok, that’s an understatement. I’m the crazy, loud, over-the-top funny guy in the group. But when I’m alone I turn into someone else, someone who declines invites with her friends. I turn into someone who doesn’t create a new story or watch the new episode of her favorite television show. What I’m saying is, I don’t do what I love and that’s a really horrible feeling.
Let me tell you something, I love eating so much. However, when I’m in my depressed state, I don’t eat. It’s one of the signs of depression that tells me . I have the hunger pains but I feel like I can’t go through the process of eating, it’s weird. When things are really bad I starve myself because I can’t get up to eat. Reading that is probably scary but it’s true. I don’t want to starve myself but it does happen.
I picked up some nasty habits during my bad periods. To escape my depression I would work so many hours and run around all day. I wouldn’t eat and pretend I was ok, even when my mom pointed out my collarbones stuck out severely. Even when my jeans started to hang off of me. Running around and not eating were so routine I didn’t even realize something was seriously wrong.
One of the signs of depression is reckless behavior. When you’re depressed you start thinking about ways where you can unlock the feelings that are seemingly dormant thanks to your debilitating mental illness. Gambling gives you a rush. Drinking makes you happy. Drugs make you feel confident and on top of the world. Why not engage in reckless, escapist behavior if it make you feel something?
Sleeping too much is of the signs of depression that I can definitely attest to. Sleeping makes all the pain go away temporarily. It’s like being dead without the commitment. I would sleep for hours just to make all the bad thoughts stop and to have a little peace. Some people even call them depression naps and I don’t blame them. That’s exactly what they are.
Let me tell you something, getting up to brush your teeth and take a shower are the hardest tasks to accomplish when you suffer from depression. There would be days where I would lay in bed and not brush my teeth or take a shower. I knew I smelled but I just didn’t care.
Laundry scattered all over the floor. Dirty dishes piling up in your bedroom. Dirty sheets hanging off of your bed. And yet, you do absolutely nothing about it.
Depression takes all of your energy away for no reason whatsoever. So much so you feel fatigued. You feel heavy and you can’t do a thing.
When you’re lying there in bed, you start to think, what’s the point? I’m such an idiot. Everything bad that’s happened to me is my fault. My friends hate me and think I’m annoying. Nobody likes me. I’m a failure. My life sucks. Nothing will ever change. These thoughts are pretty terrible, and they’re never-ending, like a bad Tik Tok on a loop.
This is the big one. The pessimism I just described usually leads to this. When you have those constant bad thoughts, they lead to worse thoughts. It leads you to think, if things aren’t going to get better than what’s the point of living?
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