Sex is healthy, or at least that’s what I’ve heard. Sure, it’s a natural thing to do and want to do, but the jury is still out about whether sex is healthy. Because sex comes with many dangers too. Getting pregnant outside of marriage, having bad side effects from birth control pills, and STDs are the ones we hear about. I’m going to tell you about what I experienced and why I quit.
When my virgin self listened to feminist YouTubers talk about sex like it was a simple bodily function, I thought babies and STDs were the only things I had to consider before deciding to have sex. I had already been taking birth control pills for my acne so I felt confident the former wouldn’t bite me in the ass and got myself a condom to prevent the latter. I was twenty-one when I lost it and looking back, way too eager to fuck whoever came along first.
Don’t get me wrong, sex is great, and if you can handle casual sex mentally then go for it! Nor is this a religious discussion, although for me, He guided my change in course. This is my personal feelings on my own experience with casual sex.
My first time was a casual encounter and the guy I had sex with became a regular fuck buddy. But I realized that he wasn’t good for me and so I tried to stop wanting to be with him by having sex with other guys. Logic left the building, I’m aware. Aided by Tinder and egged on by “friends” I went through a handful of guys within a two year period, 90% of whom were one-time experiences. I was thoroughly depressed and still halfway attached to my first time.
You see, having sex didn’t stop me from wanting my first-time guy. Rather, it had the opposite effect of comparing him to other men and being unable to find anyone I liked more than him. It was a vicious cycle and I wasted a lot of time I could have spent on more important things, going on Tinder dates and drowning my disappointment and unhappiness at social bars with friends I barely knew. By the end of my junior year, my true friends barely recognized me and told me so.
When my first time asked me if I’d mind if he asked my roommate if she’d have sex with him, I took action on what I had known for a long time- It was time to cut ties. I blocked him, deleted Tinder, and ghosted the guys I was talking to at the time. The first wave of my guy cleanse was refreshing, and I realized I had much more time to study and do the things that made me happy without my unhealthy dependence on men.
After my first real boyfriend broke up with me in October, I called it quits. I had taken an eight-month break prior to August of that year and I felt like my pre-sex life self again. I was happy and confident and living a healthier life. Fast forward again to when he left me and I realized I had lost myself again. I was back at square one, depressed, and unmotivated. After a few months passed I was happier but not as happy as I was before I met him. That’s when I decided, that will be the last guy I have sex with until I’m married.
I’ve come to realize I’m not emotionally detached enough to be able to have casual sex. I have no one to blame but myself for the choices I’ve made, and I don’t regret my mistakes. I’ve learned from them and now I know myself better.
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