Although unfortunate, I have had a number of extremely toxic relationships I can attest to. So it is from personal experience that I say when you drop them, leave them and let them go, you will feel a sense of freedom and happiness consume your life. It’s hard to understand why people come into our lives only to hurt us, but my guess is- it’s to teach us a valuable lesson. And if being in a toxic relationship, whether it be a best friend, boyfriend, or friend, brings you more pain than happiness, it’s time to move on. Here’s 10 reasons why this new year you need to remove your unhealthy relationships from your life once and for all.
1. You realize their instability is a direct reflection of themselves, not you.
Too much of the time we think someone’s actions or lack of actions has something to do with ourselves. It’s just the opposite. If someone is poison to your life, if they have brought you a world of pain and hurt, if they treat you as a lesser, this has nothing to do with you. Yes, you deserve better, but this just means that they have character flaws and may have not yet developed any self-respect or maturity. Like our mothers always told us, the people you surround yourself with are direct reflections of ourselves.
2. When you’re with them you become the lesser version of yourself.
Sometimes we may not even realize this is happening, or we may deny that it is happening at all. But once you see that a special person can bring out the worst in you instead of build you up, make you feel secure and confident and bring out your true happy self, then it’s time to leave this person ASAP. If we surround ourselves with loving people who raise our standards and challenge us to become the best versions of ourselves, we will inevitably live an enjoyable life.
3. People don’t change.
It’s sad to say, but people rarely change. If they do, they do it for themselves- not anyone else. So if you believe a seriously toxic person in your life is capable of changing, think again. They most likely will never change. People are creatures of habit. But for your sake, things may go wrong so that you can genuinely enjoy things when they’re right. Luckily, you can remove ANY unhealthy relationship from your life. I guarantee the happiness you will feel is so worthwhile.
4. Not everyone in your life is meant to stay in your life.
Sometimes it’s so easy to hold onto relationships that have become comfortable. Maybe you have known this person for a long time or have been through a lot of serious past times with them. But, when you realize that although this may be true, it’s still not a healthy relationship, it becomes overly reasonable to let them go. In return, you’ll feel a blanket of peace sweep over your life.
5. You’ve given them chance after chance.
Like mentioned earlier, people don’t usually change. You may have a huge and hopeful heart and want to see the person change so badly that you allow them to come back into your life time and time again only to be left let down and disappointed, nothing will ever change. You may believe them every time they beg and plead that they are sorry and don’t want to lose you. And because of your trusting nature you allow them back into your life. But this is he or she being manipulative and lying. If they have made the same mistake multiple times and still have not changed, they are telling you they don’t plan on ever changing. Just think of the saying ‘fooled me once shame on you, fooled me twice, shame one me’. You need to remove yourself from the situation and take care of yourself because “once a cheater, always a cheater”, or whatever it is he or she continually does that is so unhealthy for you.
6. You learn to love yourself and find your true self again.
Toxic people tend to bring you down in life. They drain you of your energy, give you insecurities that you never had before and second guess your own self. But once you have removed this person, it is absolutely incredible the self-worth you gain. It is easy to lose yourself while in the midst of an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes you don’t even realize it happened until you remove yourself from the relationship entirely. But once you see the situation from a different perspective, you will think, “what was I doing”, and feel grateful for how far you’ve come since then.
7. They’re unreliable
This is a quality that is ugly on anyone. When someone is unreliable, they are telling you that they don’t value your time. You don’t want people in your life who treat you like second options or back up plans. You deserve someone who wants to plan things to do with you and spend time with you. And there are plenty of reliable people to do this with. But unfortunately, there are a lot of unreliable people as well. I’ve seen a lot of it and It’s a bad quality. No one wants to be friends with someone who cannot keep their word or live up to a simple plan. So get out of there if their unreliability is a pattern.
8. You may still love them but you have learned to love yourself more.
Ending a relationship may not be something you want to do but it may be necessary if it is a toxic relationship. And anyone who tells you your too emotional, lacks compassion and the ability to love and be loved. Being emotional about someone who you care for means maturity and means you have a healthy heart and mind. That’s normal, so don’t let society tell you otherwise. Be your soft-hearted, compassionate and loving self and anyone who take it for granted doesn’t deserve you to begin with.
9. They take from you but never give to you.
Just do you and you will attract the right people. Don’t look for revenge, that’s immature and life will hand that to them most likely. And if you truly cared for them you will want the best for them. But the best for you is to be without them.
10. Remember why you left them.
Why are you fighting so hard for a relationship that is so poisonous to you. Anyone who has put you through any amount of hell does not deserve you. No one’s perfect. You’ll have good and bad days- that’s life, but be with someone who wants you with all of your imperfections (bad days included). There are people out there who want that, trust me, you just have to filter through the not so good ones. If you have to fight for someone then why do you want them at all? It shouldn’t be hard. You shouldn’t devalue yourself to accept anyone who is only half loving you. Who wants that? Who wants someone who makes you beg for their love and attention.
Remember: It didn’t work out not because you are less than what he or she deserves but because you are so much more than they deserve.
They know this- they don’t like being vulnerable because they know you will find better. You are worth it and anyone who thinks otherwise you need to drop! Drop them and let them go. Move on. You’ll see the world differently and trust me you WILL find someone who truly loves you and treats you right.
How did you feel after you ended a toxic relationship? Comment below!
Featured photo source: tumblr.com
Madison is a journalism major at University of Southern California's Annenberg School for Journalism. Her passion for creative writing and background in the arts launched her desire to pursue a journalism career. She hopes as Editor-In-Chief of Society19 USC to market the publication to the USC community. In her free time, Madison enjoys traveling, hiking, snowboarding and wake boarding, and interior decorating.