When it comes to our loved ones there isn’t anything in the world we wouldn’t do for them. We would move heaven and earth just to make sure that they were all right. However, when the relationships between us and them become unhealthy we tend to turn a blind eye towards it. We do this because we don’t want to lose them. Even though they are the ones making us miserable. Here is why it is okay to say goodbye to those people, especially if they are a toxic parent.
Blood is thicker than water
This old quote is always something I heard when growing up. Even when the world turns against us our families will always have our backs. What about the moments that they don’t? Instead of keeping us safe they are the ones doing the most damage. What do we do then in the case of having a toxic parent?
As children we grow up thinking our parents would never lie or hurt us. So when they do something that betrays our trust that image we have of them starts to break. It’s okay to admit to yourself that maybe your parent isn’t perfect. That their human just like you. They might make mistakes from time to time, but what is inexcusable is when their behavior turns toxic. When their choices impact you in a negative way it’s okay to start asking yourself if staying around them is the best move. Just because your parent helped to birth you doesn’t mean you owe them anything.
Creating boundaries with your parent is hard but worth it
If the time has come where you no longer feel good about being around said parent start to think about limiting contact. This means limiting the times in which you speak, see, or interact with them throughout the week. It could also mean instead of staying at their house maybe instead you stay with another family member through out the holidays. Having space from each other could help to allow you to actually sit down and think about everything.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow. I understand I said goodbye to a parent because all they did was knock me down never raising me up. When we finally said good bye, I burned the bridge of communication down. I decided it was in my best interest mentally and emotionally at that time. You have to be the one to decide which path you take. Just know it is okay to walk away from something and someone who only brings misery into your life.
Know that you are not alone
One of the biggest conceptions is that when you finally cut out a parent from your life that everyone you love is going to judge you. I can guarantee you that those people who truly love you will be there for you. Whenever you are ready to talk they will be there to listen. You need to know that throughout this process that you’re not alone.
If it makes you feel more comfortable speaking with someone who doesn’t know the personal details of the event, there is always group therapy to consider. Speaking with people who have been in the same situation can actually be really helpful. It’s also easier sometimes when the people are your age, because you feel like they better understand the feelings your experiencing. This atmosphere can also help you to feel more validated in the choice you made. Knowing that is was the right move, and having people tell you it is can make you feel better about the entire thing.
Know you stronger than this
I can’t say that the entire process will be easy. What I can say is that your happiness and personal needs are important. It doesn’t mean you love them any less. It just means that sometimes people have to say goodbye to a toxic parent. Maybe not forever, but for now.