Committed relationships are a big deal. It’s wonderful to give your whole self over to another person, all of the good with all of the bad, but it’s also scary and hard, especially when something like jealousy comes into the picture. Most people can have a jealous nature when it comes to someone they love, so entering into a new relationship, maybe even a new relationship with an easily jealous partner, is all about figuring out how to compromise and maneuvers those new waters until you’re both secure in the relationship. You just have to figure out how to deal with those issues of jealousy head on. So, here are some tips on how to deal with jealousy in a relationship!
1. Discuss the Missing Trust
If your S/O is struggling with jealousy in your relationship, then it means somewhere between the two of you there is a lack of trust. Step one in figuring out the problem is to identify where it comes from. Sit down with your guy to try and pinpoint what is triggering the jealousy. Is it a specific person you’re around? Is it a certain thing you do? What about those things makes him feel jealous? Once these questions are answered and the problem is more clearly identified, you can then better work together to go from there and build that trust back up. This is definitely one of the most important tips when it comes to how to deal with jealousy in a relationship!
2. Validate your S/Os Feelings
Jealousy comes from a place of insecurity, so it’s super important that when your S/O is having these jealous feelings, you work hard to understand where he’s coming from and validate what he feels, even if in reality you’re struggling to get it. Validation of feelings is extremely important in overcoming all issues in a relationship. Whether or not you understand where an emotion is coming from, the fact that your S/O is feeling it means that it is real. If you dismiss it, you’re dismissing something extremely important to them. That hurts and can only lead to resentment. Talk things out. Ask questions and for extra explanation if you don’t understand. Tell them that what they feel makes sense and you get it and you want to figure out how to make things better, this is really important when it comes to how to deal with jealousy.
3. Encourage Communication from Both Ends
Communication. It really is the answer to so many problems. When you aren’t open about how you feel, then the people around you can’t work to help you figure the problem out in order for you to feel better. It’s the same when dealing with jealousy. Your S/O needs to be open about what’s making him feel jealous, so that you can work with him to solve the problem, rather than him shouldering the entire burden on his own. This is especially helpful if he can open up to you when the feeling strikes in certain occurrences. Then you can better pinpoint what you’re doing and apologize in the moment, rather than having the bad feelings fester inside him until he explodes, without you ever having had a clue. Meanwhile, it’s important for you to be communicating, as well. Let him know when you’re feeling controlled or like he’s being unfair, so you can find a compromise in the middle that leaves you both feeling lighter. Your feelings are valid too.
4. Address Double Standards
It’s possible that when dealing with a jealous bae, you might find he expects some things from you that aren’t necessarily fair, so it’s important to watch out for and speak up about any double standards he may be suggesting. For instance, maybe he wants you to limit your alone interaction with a guy friend, meanwhile he hangs out alone with girls he knows all the time. In times like this, make it clear to your S/O that you’re on the same playing field, and anything he gets to do you’ll be doing as well. If that’s not okay with him, then either he needs to follow the same guidelines or y’all need to have a much longer talk. You’re equal partners in this relationship, and anything he’s uncomfortable with you doing he shouldn’t be doing either. This is one of the most important tips on how to deal with jealousy!
5. Know When to Keep Things to Yourself
We’ve all got funny ex stories we love to tell. They’re hilarious with the right crowd, but the unfortunate thing is that your new and maybe a little insecure bae is never that crowd. No matter how good the story is it still comes with the attached baggage of involving someone else you dated or slept with and when you’re already dealing with jealousy in a relationship, that’s territory you want to stay away from. You’re only going to create problems and insecurities that wouldn’t have ever occurred had you just not told the story. Practice some self control and know when to keep things to yourself.
6. Get to Know Each Other’s Friends
Jealousy occurs in a lot of different scenarios. Maybe your ex gets worried about guys hitting on you when he’s not around. Maybe he’s uncomfortable with how close you are to a guy friend. Maybe there’s an old fling in your friend group he hates to think about you spending time around. Whatever the situation is, getting to know your friends could help calm some of his fears. First of all, if it is a guy friend he’s concerned about, ex or not, getting to know the guy better may set him at ease. After having made a connection with said friend, he can feel more confident that the guy won’t be putting any moves on you behind his back. If not, getting to know your gal pals can still help too. When you leave for a girls night out, he’ll know and trust the people watching out for you to make sure everything is a-ok. This is a really good tip on how to deal with jealousy!
7. Decide How Much is Best to Know about the Past
Eventually in a relationship you have to have the “relationship talk,” but how much you each choose to share is totally up to you and what you’re comfortable with. However, figuring out what “level” of sharing you each prefer might help out with any jealousy problems you’re having. Some people feel better knowing every detail of their S/O’s past relationships, so they never end up blindsided. Some people on the other hand like to stay in the dark, so they don’t have the opportunity to envision you with past partners. Ignorance is bliss, you know. Whatever it is, deciding how much it’s best for you and your S/O to know about each other’s histories could help curb unnecessary jealousy problems brought about by too much or too little information.
8. Get Outside Perspectives
If the problem persists and you really can’t figure out how to make your S/O feel secure without forgoing your own freedoms, the most helpful thing to do may be to seek outside help. That doesn’t mean head straight to a couple’s therapist (Although that’s never a bad idea either.). Maybe just both make an effort to talk to your respective friends about what’s going on and get advice. You’re both so close to the issue that an outside perspective with distance from the problem and a fresh pair of eyes may have the answers. Plus in times like these your friends are the perfect people to tell you whether or not you’re being crazy with how you feel, even though most of the time you aren’t. Other people’s opinions can actually help when it comes to how to deal with jealousy!
If you love the person you’re with, you want to make the relationship work, which means working through any kinks you run into. Jealousy issues are hard, but they don’t have to mean the end of your relationship. Before you lose hope, talk to your partner, talk to your friends, take a hard look at your own feelings and actions, and give these 8 steps a try. Jealousy is natural, and if you and your partner are both willing to work together through the stress, you’ll come out not only having solved the problem, but closer and stronger in your relationship.