Picture this: You’re watching a movie with your current boyfriend and your phone vibrates. You check it and you see that you have a snapchat from the kid on your floor who you used to hook up with. Maybe your boyfriend knows who he is, maybe he doesn’t, but he’s aware you have an unopened snapchat from another male…and now you have to act. Here’s how to deal with an ex on a college campus:
If he’s human, your boyfriend is definitely curious as to who this “golfking3” is and why he’s snapping you during your date time. You open snaps in front of him all the time, so why is this one any different – he questions. So what do you do? Do you open it in front of him? Do you leave it unopened and open it later? Think about it. On one hand it’s going to look like you’re hiding something if you aren’t comfortable opening it in front of your s/o. On the other hand, do you really want your boyfriend seeing a snap from your ex-whatever?
It’s a totally gut-wrenching and uncomfortable grey area, dealing with an ex. All of a sudden they show up, unannounced, and at the most inconvenient of times. (Think: a pimple on your forehead on picture day.) These old flames that make you feel all sorts of different ways. Maybe you ended on great terms and you’re okay being friends. Maybe they broke your heart and a small piece of you misses them, even though you’re totally happy in your current relationship or therefore lack of. Maybe you just forgot to delete them on snapchat when you blocked them on the rest of social media.
Regardless of your reasoning, think back to the scenario we started with – What if “golfking3” was actually “summerbabe42” and the snap went to your boyfriend’s phone, not yours?
HELL. NO.
So how should you deal with having an ex – especially if you still go to the same school? And what about your boyfriend’s ex?
Well my friends, I’m here to give you the cold, hard truth: FORGET THEM.
Yeah yeah, I know it’s hard – how can you forget a person that once meant so much to you? Answer: It’s not easy, but if you’re going to commit yourself to your own happiness and eventually another person, you need to let them go. I’m the first person to agree that it’s quite the challenge. That attention, the satisfaction knowing that they’re still pining over you somewhere is great – don’t get me wrong. BUT it has to stop. There is no sense in seeing your ex’s snap stories or instagrams, because it’s not healthy investing yourself in their business. And vice versa; there’s no reason they should be seeing your social media updates either – they lost you, and therefore don’t have the right to know what’s going on in your life anymore.
Listen to me when I say it’s toxic. Delete them.
However, your exes don’t only exist on social media. If you go to the same school, you’re bound to have those awkward run-ins. Maybe it’s in the dining commons, maybe it’s walking to class. Regardless, they don’t always disappear. The best thing you can do is be civil – don’t be too quick to throw some death glares or ~flawless~ hair flips (even if they deserve it).
If you HAVE to interact, a simple “hi” will do. But don’t bother going out of your way for those who don’t have a place in your life (or heart) anymore. Not only will it hurt you in the long run, but it may also hurt your significant other. How would your boyfriend feel if he saw you in the library chatting it up and turning on the charm for golfking3? Exactly.
Or better yet – how would YOU feel if you saw your boyfriend flirting with summerbabe42 on your way to class? One of the biggest motivators in tuning out your past should be your present and future. Whether you are committing completely to yourself or another relationship, you have to play fair. Would you want your boyfriend’s ex still playing a role in his life? Absolutely not! That’s YOUR show.
In the end, we can’t make our exes magically disappear – no matter how badly we wish we could. But we can make the right decisions in how we handle their unfortunate existence and how it affects our overall happiness. And isn’t that the most important thing?
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