This year, the notorious Hunger Games inspired dating show, also known as “The Bachelor” promised another drama-packed premiere. All of the contestants or “tributes,” depending on how you see them, laid out their assets in hopes of getting good rankings from the “King,” also known as charmingly-handsome, Matt James and the “Gamemakers,” AKA Chris Harrison and ABC family. We calculated every point-earning move and misstep to deduct what works and what doesn’t on this 25th season of the Bachelor (quarter quell!) and have compiled a list of dating lessons to bring to your own arena.
You can bring your vibrator but don’t date your vibrator
Not all Bachelor tributes get to bring survival resources. Katie, a 29 year-old bank marketing manager from Renton, Washington made “bachelor history” (a highly overused phrase) when she introduced Matt to her best friend during quarantine: her vibrator. The flashy, bedazzled wad quickly introduced as M.J, named on behalf of the Bachelor, Matt James. Katie told everyone the instrument had “gotten her through the pandemic” and that she intended on “keeping it until the fantasy suite.” She later used it to tap another woman on shoulder to ask if she could have time with Matt. While there is nothing wrong with Katie’s appreciation for pleasure, her identity never moved beyond the object of her affection: M.J (the vibrator, not Matt James). She shared more about M.J then herself. The dating lessons we take from this is that a vibrator might be of primary importance to some like Katie, but favoritism doesn’t always play well on a first date. The date demands just as much reverence as your electric pal.
Wear a dress like Chelsea or nothing but lingerie like Kaili
After the premiere was over and everyone stopped looking up what vibrator Katie brought with her, they started searching where Chelsea, the 28 year-old runway model, got her dress. The striking black, backless gown somehow droops in all the right places, and screams ‘look at me’ in the most polite, sophisticated way possible. A dress of that caliber is not something everyone could pull off, but Matt, with glazed over eyes and a frozen smile, noted that Chelsea was “wearing that dress” as she walked towards the cocktail party, observing how much confidence she radiated. Kaili, a 26 year-old hostess from Chicago, brought another sort of confidence with her: the naked type. Well, not completely. Upon arriving at the mansion, she unapologetically strutted off to greet Matt, revealing her rock hard abs and toned legs (many of the women did not look too excited to be competing against that). The dating lessons these two women bring is clear: wear what you want and what makes you comfortable. Owning the look is more important than dressing how you think you date wants you to dress (or undress).
Pray like Matt (or mediate, journal, chant, etc.)
There is nothing like praying that everyone makes it out of the games alive. In his opening speech, Matt revved up his religious roots and encouraged everyone to bow their heads, asking “God to Give these women the courage to get through these next few months,” and then referencing Romans 8:28, “You say that you work all things for the good of those who love you and are called according to your purpose, Father God. And I feel like that’s why I’m here and I feel like that’s why these women are here, Lord.” Whether agnostic, atheist, or religious, the power of manifestation, or positive-thinking, has been proven to strengthen one’s mental and physical health. According to Professional matchmakers, it is essential to be grateful for everything you already have in life and not to get overly attached to the outcome.
Refuse to settle like Lauren
Lauren, the 29-year old corporate attorney does not just have the beauty she also has the brains. In speaking with Matt she fiercely explained, “I just want you to know I don’t settle for anything in my life and I’m glad I have not because if I did I would not be about to take this journey with you.” Lauren’s rejection of settling and faith in her purpose are key dating lessons to remember. Settling is easy, convenient, and might even have some perks (saves some energy, right?), but knowing one’s worth is much more important in the long run. Sometimes you even think you’re in love with the person but you aren’t the best version of yourself when you’re with them. Like if you have to do their homework so they graduate on time, email their boss to cover for the fact that they are hungover from a bender, or even pick them up from the police station – all key indicators they are bringing you down and you’re a parent rather than a partner. It can be scary to leave someone when you think you love them, but ultimately the risk will be worth taking. Eventually, you will find someone you love and you will also love who you are when you’re with them. Whether or not Lauren makes it far in the games, she is sure to find happiness somewhere.
Don’t be Kit
At 21 years old, the youngest tribute left nothing unplanned for her grand entrance into the games. Eyes turned to the Manhattan fashion entrepreneur, Kit, as soon as she stepped out of a gold Bentley to meet Matt, a sly attempt to assert dominance despite her age. The wispy blonde introduced herself and remarked that Kit stood for “keep it touch” before making her way to the party. Within minutes, all she had done was preface just how high maintenance she would become. When faced with adversity coming from (Queen) Victoria, Kit snubbed back: “I thought there was going to be competition for sure but you can be the Queen of your little thing, but like no I’m the President, King, CEO.” In games like these, everyone’s insecurities surface. However, the victor never allows herself to seep down to a weak links level, nor has to prove her strength among the competition. Kit will need to “keep it together” if she doesn’t want to get sent home.
More importantly don’t be Victoria
This season’s portrayal of the most loathed tribute was assigned to Victoria, or “Queen Victoria” as she dubbed herself. The Queen was carried in on a throne while sporting a sparkling tiara and matching dress as she graced his highness, King Matt at the mansion. Though it is still unclear if she is the villain or victim of TV dramatization, her persona is a great example of how not to act on a date or like… ever. Being Queen of course is a tedious job, and Victoria put herself to work by quickly moving to snatch a conversation with Matt… and then another one. Her second conversation required an interruption of Kit’s time with Matt, and so she very expectantly asserted, “Excuse me Princess, but the Queen is here.” She received disgraceful, and somewhat demeaning looks from stronger contestants as she moved around the room pushing them to demand their time as she did. If only Queen Victoria knew that comparing yourself to other competitors is an unflattering look. Luckily, the gamemakers enjoy keeping the unlikely victors around for a while, so there is probably much more of Queen Victoria to come.
Love is not blind, but deaf (and be the deaf girl)
In 2021, you don’t need to hear to win the games. Abigail, a 25 year-old, Client Financial Manager, got off to a very strong start when she opened up about her being born deaf. The humble brunette didn’t take herself too seriously, telling Matt “I’m going to be reading your lips a lot tonight, but thankfully you have really beautiful lips.” When Matt asked about her struggle being born without hearing, she explained that she simply followed in the footsteps of her older sister who was also born deaf, barely giving any credit to herself. The two shared a very intense kiss, and then another, which was followed by Matt rewarding her with the first rose. Abigail shows us that the true victor is the one who is not afraid to go deep (mentally and physically). Abigail’s poise comes from more than her willingness to share about her past, she is also optimistic, lighthearted, and does not dwell on the challenges she faces. While some women are quick to overshare their baggage and scar-tissue, Abigail’s openness proved that she does not let her challenges define her. Sounds like true love to us. We will be surely be watching Abigail for more dating lessons.