Why Mutual Exclusivity Of Love And Sex Is So Important

I read an article from the New York Post recently about how “Netflix is killing couples’ sex lives,” and I this sparked an internal debate for me after reading the result of their “study.”

To briefly summarize the article, their research discovered that couples are becoming “less interested in sex because they watch more T.V. in bed,” and they’re calling this phenomena “the detriment to our love lives.”

But the article left me pondering a lot… Is it so bad that couples are watching more T.V.? What does sex directly have to do with love (which I argue is more important than sex, anyway)?

Here’s my argument.

Sex is, unarguably, a bonding experience that serves to bring two people closer together physically and sometimes emotionally. However, this doesn’t mean that, say, a partnership that includes one or two asexual members (or even someone who just doesn’t really want to have sex) cannot be a relationship that’s full of love.

The absence of sex is not equal to an absence of love. 

I emphasize this point because it helps me in my struggle to understand why this New York Post article needed to be written. In short, it didn’t.

I pose these questions: Is is so awful for a couple to mutually decide that they would rather watch the latest binge-worthy show on Netflix than entangle themselves in the sheets every night? Why should it be up to anyone else what a couple does in their own time or how they choose to cultivate the love that exists between the two?

I have to believe the answers are “no” and “it shouldn’t.”

The mutual exclusivity of love and sex is so important because sex doesn’t always put us in our right minds. It causes a literal rush of emotions and chemicals that can sometimes make us act in ways that we wouldn’t always deem characteristic of ourselves in other circumstances. Love and sex are two different things and shouldn’t be treated the same way.

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How many one night stands have ended up with both members falling head over heels in love with each other? While I, admittedly, haven’t done research on the subject, I’d wager that it’s very few. That’s why the notion of “making love” in reference to sex is wholly invalid.

Sex doesn’t create love. So what does?

There’s no hard and fast definition of love, but I know what it isn’t. Love isn’t defined as a couple who has sex X amount of times in a day, week, or month. Love starts by two people talking together, finding common interests, growing to care for one another, putting effort into the other person, and always being there for one another. From there, it’s up to the members of the relationship to define their own love.

If you don’t really like having sex that much, that’s cool. That doesn’t make your love for your partner any less valid. If you’re crazy about sex and do it at every possible moment you can, that’s awesome too.

My overarching point is that sex and love are mutually exclusive because sex doesn’t equal love and love doesn’t need sex to thrive. So, you and your partner can jump in bed and watch all of Stranger Things you want, because your time together is precious whether you’re having sex or just enjoying one another’s company.