Do you think you’ll meet the one while you’re out on a run? Or do you think your eyes will meet across a crowded bar? Well in the age of dating apps it seems there’s only one thing to say. FAT CHANCE!
Romantic-comedies and fairy tales have conditioned us to believe there is a perfect person – out there- that we are destined to meet. They have also convinced us that we need to have an adorable meeting story. I would like to say, I haven’t subscribed to this ideal, but I can’t. It seems more and more people are meeting on dating apps and it just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
So much so, I’d feel like I’d have to invent an elaborate story, rather than tell the truth. It can’t only be me that feels face to face connections are going extinct, so I thought I’d investigate.
We live in the age of technology, which means anyone can pretend to be anyone. Yet, dating apps have removed this fear. We used to be over cautious when dating online, on websites such as match.com. Not anymore. Apps are seen as a bit of fun or a game to play when you’re bored.
We now forget that people can be altering their own photos with filters; that are available on any smartphone. Worse still. They can be using photos they have downloaded online. This false advertising leaves a person feeling disappointed when this altered version doesn’t walk through the door.
When people met face to face there were no preconceived notions on the person’s appearance. Which isn’t an option if you’re trying to find Mr. or Mrs. Right on the next swipe.
When people met face to face, they would have great conversation and build a spark. Now, with dating apps, people are struggling to get noticed due to the amount of competition. If your first photo doesn’t intrigue them, they’ll swipe left and load up the next person. This quick judgment doesn’t leave time for a romantic connection to develop.
People are basing their opinion of you, solely on your appearance. Which means lust wins out over love. Many people are overwhelmed by the amount of choice, so tend to stick to what they know. Their type on paper.
By doing this, they could be discounting someone who would compliment them and their lifestyle. If they had met in a coffee shop and struck up a conversation, it’s harder to disregard them.
I don’t know about everybody else but I find it really difficult to keep a conversation going on dating apps. Regardless of who sends the first message, one thing is for sure, it feels awkward. The conversation is stagnated and requires effort. The fact that you are trying to hold a conversation with someone who has only seen a few photos is maddening.
You can’t determine body language or facial expressions, so it makes it hard to keep the conversation. If you had met face to face you would be able to gauge if they can take a joke or if they’d flirt back. By doing this, through the phone, I can’t help but feel it’s impersonal and somewhat cold.
The Slow Burner
The fast pace of dating apps means people tend to rush. If their first few attempts at talking don’t pan out, people don’t wait to see how it will develop. Instead, they move on to the next date. By doing this, people miss out on slow burners.
These are people that won’t reveal themselves in initial conversations. Instead, they are dismissed as prudish or stuck up. Chances are, if these two people had met in person they would put in more effort. Yet, if the couple meets online there is a sense that neither one owes the other anything.
Slow burners are great because they have layers. They’re surprising! Therefore, if people meet randomly, then there’s a real possibility you could have found the love of your life.