To The Mother Who’s No Longer In My Life

I’m 18 and days away from moving into college for my first year. I graduated high school with the most awards I could achieve and worked my hardest to get where I am. I have a family who loves me and am surrounded by people who make me feel loved and supported. You mother are not a part of my life and do not know what it entails. I can say for certain, it is for the better.

The past 7 years of my life have been full of ups and downs as well as changes. While there have been a couple of strong maternal figures in my life it’s just not the same.

Dear ‘Mom’: To the mother who is no longer in my life.

I’ve learned how to live without you.

Seven years of no contact with someone is shocking, especially when that person gave birth to you. Some days it can be difficult knowing that there isn’t a mom I can come home to and talk to about my day and get advice from. It’s also difficult knowing that one-day I could have children and they wouldn’t know you. Thankfully, they’ll have better.

I know that not having you in my life is for the best.

If there is anything I’ve learned in less than two decades of life, it’s that toxic relationships will tear you apart. Nobody needs a relationship in their life that makes them feel bad about themselves.

I don’t regret it.

You didn’t physically abandon me. I left you, and there’s not a day that goes by where I would make a different decision. Although the choice was made at a young age I knew right from wrong. This leads me into my next point.

I’ve grown because of this.

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Making a big decision like that at such a young age makes people talk. Hearing people talk about me who had no idea what going on in my life and passing judgments taught me a valuable lesson: Who cares what anyone thinks, they don’t do it often anyway. I’ve become resilient, independent, and apathetic in regards to what others think of me. No one else knows the true reasons, and they probably will never know.

I envy girls who have relationships with their mother.

It still bothers me after so long to see girls who have relationships with their mother. I’ve asked myself a million times why I couldn’t have a relationship with my own mother. This is how it was meant to be and I’ve grown because of all this.

Growing up is difficult.

Growing up without a mother, however, can be increasingly difficult. I didn’t need you and still don’t need you. I will forever be grateful to the mother figures in my life, for loving me in a way that you didn’t.