How To Help A Friend Who Has Endured Trauma

Individuals who have endured trauma are often encouraged to call a hotline or see a therapist when they are in need of help. However, I’ve found that simple changes in personal approach are just as, if not more, beneficial than those two options. As someone who has survived multiple traumas, including sexual assault, here are some simple tips that you, as a friend, family member, teacher, professor, or mentor can do to help individuals who have undergone significant trauma.

Encourage the individual to participate in a hobby.

Choose one that he or she might enjoy, such as reading or writing. If possible, participate together.

Listen.

Simply listen. If he or she is not ready to tell you the details of what has happened, don’t push. When the individual is ready, they will let you know.

At the same time, do NOT make them meet people in your own personal life that they are not ready to talk to or see yet.

This person is establishing trust with you first, and until that is solidified, pushing beyond that would be detrimental. If you don’t know where that rapport or trust is at, ASK them. If there is no answer, then that is your answer. That person is not ready.

Get to know him or her at a personal level.

Find out the individual’s favorite hobbies, food, and activities. Keep details about the people in your personal life and your happiness out until that trust is built and appropriate. Keep emphasizing that you are here to listen, especially for individuals who are acting as friends, teachers, and professors.

Don’t leave.

If the survivor or victim accidentally projects onto you or says something unintentionally nasty to push you away, don’t leave. Stay. Be there for them, and try not to take things too personally. Of course, there are limits to be drawn, but if the victim explains why he or she is acting that way and it’s reasonable, be there for them.

Say “thank you”.

Always say “thank you” if he or she is beginning to trust you, and acknowledge that trust. Never take that for granted because if they’ve been through something very damaging and lasting before, taking that away would re-victimize him or her.

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Small acts of kindness go a long way.

Going the extra mile and bringing coffee and giving compliments can truly mean a lot.

Be honest.

If it gets to a point where it’s too draining to listen, kindly say so and explain why. Don’t just die off and ghost someone, especially someone who has been assaulted. That is way worse and you aren’t doing anyone any favors.