Tinder can be daunting if you’re just starting out, but it’s easy to get the hang of and it’s all about whatever you are interested in and feel comfortable with. There’s no reason to worry, but if you need help getting started interacting with your new matches, here are 20 Tinder messaging tips to give you a hand.
1. Don’t be Afraid to Message First
Someone has to start the conversation! It’s sexist to think guys should always be the ones to get things going. If you want something to happen, sometimes you gotta make it happen. Take charge of your own dating destiny and message first.
2. Don’t Be Cliche
It’s hard to think of what to say when first messaging someone, but watch out for cliches so you don’t get lost in the crowd of their matches. Sure that puppy in their picture is cute, but probably about every person they match with tells them that. Try to think of something original to say, maybe drawing from a connection the two of you share. If that doesn’t work stick with something simple and generic like “hey how’s it going?”
3. Be Yourself
Tinder is all about meeting people, and meeting people means letting them get to know who you really are. Don’t hold back any of the weirdness just because you’re worried about scaring them off. They’re gonna have to get to know the real you eventually anyway, and this way there’s something to help you stand out from the masses, which they’ll probably find refreshing.
4. Be Upfront
Hey, you’re already both on a dating/hookup app. After that, there’s no reason for anything to be awkward. If you have a specific mission in mind, don’t be afraid to be upfront about why you’re on Tinder and what you’re looking for. That way no one is wasting anyone’s times. But don’t be too aggressive. Sometimes people are on there to just see what happens and there’s nothing wrong with that either. These Tinder messaging tips will save you.
5. Find out What They’re Looking For
You know what you’re looking for, so now you need to find out what they are looking for, as well. If you think you might be interested, be direct and ask them what they’re on Tinder for so you don’t have to worry about someone who just wants to hook up.
6. Give People a Chance
Tinder is a great opportunity to meet lots of different people your circle of friends might not usually coincide with. That’s one of the great parts about it. Allow yourself to be interested in people who aren’t your usual type and introduce yourself. You never know who you could find an amazing connection with.
7. Keep the Conversation Interesting
If the conversation dies, likely your chances of meeting up will too. If you’re interested in someone, you have to do your part to keep the conversation alive and interesting. Ask questions. Tell jokes. Tell stories. Ask them about their day. If they’re not interested, they might not help you out, but it could also be because they still haven’t realized what a great connection you could have. Give it a couple tries, and if they’re not joining in, move on.
8. Let the Joke Die
A lot of times Tinder conversations start based on some kind of mutual joke. You’re pretending to be too young for the app or that you’ve already fallen in love and are getting married. Those conversations can be fun and function as great ice breakers, but eventually the joke must die to make room for real conversation. Make sure you know when to let go.
9. Be Open
If someone is messaging you, it’s probably because they’re trying to learn about you. If you want something to have the possibility of working, allow yourself to talk and engage in the conversation. Don’t be afraid to share. Of course, you don’t have to give over information that feels too personal, but be open to playing the dating game or you won’t have much of a chance of winning. They’re trying to get to know you so give them the opportunity.
10. Don’t Overshare
I know it may seem like I’m contradicting myself a lot in this article, but there’s a balance to doing everything right. As much as you should be open to talking about yourself on Tinder, death by oversharing is still a thing. This means that there are some parts of you a person doesn’t need to know about until the 5th or 6th date in, and if you tell them too soon it’s understandable for them to get a little freaked out. Build a larger connection of trust before letting them know the intricacies of your life.
11. Keep Things Light
This is just the beginning! We’re still in the part that’s supposed to be casual, flirty, and fun. Don’t get too bogged down in the complications of life outside the Tinder-sphere. You’ve just started talking. You don’t need to decide if you immediately like everything about each other or if this is worth pursuing. Just let the conversation roll and see where it goes.
12. Keep Your Conversations Organized
When talking to a lot of people, it’s easy to get information mixed up! Make sure to keep your people straight and don’t let the confusion cause a slip up. It will be majorly awkward if you ask the student how his day at the office went or the dog lover what his cat’s name is. Everyone should be following these Tinder messaging tips.
13. Don’t Let Anyone be Rude to You
Just like you’ll meet many cool kinds of people on Tinder, you’ll meet all kinds of rude and aggressive people too. The great part is that you don’t have to talk to them. You don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to. Click that unmatch button and say goodbye. There are plenty of other matches out there to be had.
14. Remember What You Like
While it’s good to try new things, you like what you like for a reason so don’t discount that. If someone is interested in things you don’t care about or they have views you don’t agree with, you don’t have to force yourself to keep talking to them just because it’s important to be open to new people. Sometimes you just like what you like and there’s nothing wrong with that.
15. Quit if You Get Uncomfortable
Tinder is all up to you. Who you match with, who you message, who you meet, it’s all your choice and it can stop whenever you want it to. Tinder is supposed to be fun, so if you ever find yourself becoming uncomfortable put an end to the cause of that. You don’t have to force yourself to do anything. You’re in control so use the app in whatever way makes you happy and unmatch with those who set you on edge. You don’t owe them anything. These Tinder messaging tips will help you take out the trash.
16. Know it’s Okay to Just Message for a While
You don’t have to feel rushed into giving someone your number or agreeing to meet right off the bat. Sometimes people will be eager to move on from the app, but that doesn’t mean you have to. I find I’m much more comfortable meeting up with a person if I’ve chatted with them for a while. Just let them know you need to talk for awhile longer to make sure they’re not a serial killer and if they’re not cool with that, then they’re not for you.
17. Ask Questions You Like to Be Asked
If you get stumped on ways to keep the conversation going or to learn more about someone, think of the questions you would love someone else to ask you. Knowing the interesting parts of your own personality could help lead you to the gems of someone else’s. Oftentimes, what you think people should know about you in order to make a connection is the same information you should know about them.
18. Take Things to the Next Level
When you’re ready, use messaging to move this conversation to the next level. Talking online is a great way to get started and make sure you feel comfortable, but if you want to have a real connection or relationship, you’re eventually going to have to meet in person. Once you feel ready, ask the person to grab coffee or a drink. They’ll be excited to finally meet you too. Follow these Tinder messaging tips, and you may just find the one.
19. Trust Your Instincts
In all aspects of dating, you should trust what your body is telling you. If something feels off when you’re talking, know that it’s probably for a reason. Assess the situation, talk to the friends you trust for a second opinion, and decide if you’re worrying for no reason, or if you really should cut the conversation short before it goes any further. This is one of the most important Tinder messaging tips.
20. Take a Chance
When it comes to Tinder, you have to risk it to get the biscuit. To add another cliche to that, you’re only going to get out what you put in. So if you want to find something real or even just have a good time, take some chances. Keep in control of your atmosphere so you always stay safe, but don’t be afraid to chat with or even meet someone because it could result in something fun or amazing.