10 Thoughts That Go Through Your Head On A First Date

They say there’s always a first time for everything, so that must include first dates. While everyone has different experiences, a few things are guaranteed: your stomach in knots, your deodorant working harder than it ever has before, and these 10 thoughts on your first date.

1. What in God’s name am I going to wear?

For someone who has a closet with absolutely no more room left for clothes, I sure do have nothing that makes me look good for tonight’s date. Do I go all out and wear a dress? That means I have to shave my legs. How about a casual shirt and some jeans? But what if he thinks I’m not taking this seriously? Why hasn’t anyone created a store that only makes clothes for first dates yet? I think I need to lie down.

2. I’m regretting saying yes to this.

I’m slightly nauseous. Do I tell him I’m feeling a little under the weather? I can’t flake out at the last minute, I’ll never forgive myself. All this worrying is only making me hungrier. Now he’s going to think I eat like an animal or something.

3. How much perfume is too much perfume?

A few sprays never last, but I keep spritzing away until I smell like I was soaking in a Bath and Body Works store. Obviously I want to smell good so he’s even more attracted to me. Assuming that he’s even attracted to me in the first place. Oh God.

4. What if we run out of things to talk about?

We’ve been making pretty good conversation in the car, but what if nothing else comes up while we’re at the table? Am I going to have to eat my bread in silence? Should I ask him what his favorite color is, or should I just keep my mouth shut? Oh no, I’ve been in my head for too long. He’s going to think I’m not enjoying myself.

5. Why is this menu longer than my research paper?

Half of these things I can’t even pronounce, let alone describe. Should I swallow my pride and ask for a kids menu? Do they even serve chicken nuggets here?

6. Okay, I’m not having the worst time.

I’m just grateful nothing embarrassing has happened yet.

7. The waiter just gave him the check. Do I offer to split the bill?

Okay, so it’s 2019. It’s not uncommon to offer to split the tab. But what if I offend him by asking? What if I offend him even more by assuming he’s going to pay for all of it? Since when did all of these social constructs exist? I’m about to have a crisis in the middle of this restaurant.

8. He’s staring at me.

No, like, he’s really staring. Do I have pasta sauce on my face? Is he going to lean in and try to kiss me? Am I even ready for that at this point? I knew I should have put that pack of Altoids in my purse before I left.

9. That actually wasn’t so bad.

Realistically speaking, it wasn’t the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I actually kind of…enjoyed myself.

10. I hope there’s a second date.

If you’re lucky enough to have enjoyed your first date, your stomach turned from knots to butterflies. Your cheeks are flushed, you can’t stop smiling, and your phone is now glued to your side until he texts you again.