Okay, so maybe 5’11 but close enough. We can reach that top cabinet, or were blessed with the athletic capabilities people presume us to have (I don’t play basketball), but dating is a whole different playing field.
Amid blaring music and the smell of spilled drinks, I feel a timid tap on my shoulder. I whirl around, and think someone might be playing a prank on me until I look down. A man at least one head shorter than me is smiling like I just told him he’s going to Disney World. Severely short men who attempt to hit on us bean poles are as brave as the troops. While I admire the courage, it makes for an ultimately uncomfortable conversation.
Some people might be able to move things with their mind, but I can tell somebodies height without ever meeting them.
Scrolling through Tinder takes a massive amount of mental energy as I scale guys to doorways, their friends, or nearby scenery before I can be certain of a swipe right. Normal-sized friends will point out a guy across the bar, and before they can say “he’s cute” I’ve already determined he stands at roughly 5 foot 8.
When my heightened scaling skills can’t produce results, sometimes I have to pop the question. I know guys resent it, but they’ll thank me later when I pick my heels. With height, guys seem to feel that honesty is not the best policy.
Oh, you’re 6 feet tall? Fascinating, because you can rest your head on my shoulder while standing. There’s no need to feel ashamed, but the ongoing length-related deception really gets me in the dumps.
Something that brings average-sized women joy has never presented so many complications. When finding a date for sorority events and date nights I have to forgo intense mental calculations to decipher whether my date will look like a Polly Pocket next to my towering ass.
That glamorous pair of platform heeled boots you ordered off Amazon will collect dust in your closet unless you’re brave enough to tower over the masses. I wore mine on a night out and greatly enjoyed seeing the top of everyone’s head. Ballet flats are horrendous, so I guess I’ll have to accept looking like Gumby.
Whether you strike fear into shorter men’s heart or simply can’t swallow being with a smaller man, the dating pool is downsized considerably. For an average-sized woman, the options are essentially endless. Us lanky girls aren’t so lucky.
Factor in his personality, humor, and intelligence, and it feels like scrounging for a needle in a haystack.
Whether you’re glammed up for a night out or shuffling into the library to cram pre-exam, don’t bet on blending in. Sometimes I don’t mind sticking out in a crowd, but when I’m wearing ratty sweatpants from eighth grade and haven’t washed my hair in three days it would be nice to be less noticeable.
“Yoo we should link up and make some NBA babies”. I wish I could say this has only happened once but it’s been a reoccurring trauma. Unsure why guys would think a great pick-up line is proposing to impregnate you, but safe to say I won’t respond.
Possibly my least favorite conversation-starter is the unrelenting “wow, you’re tall”. No matter the height of the man, it seems to be a reoccurring statement. As shocking as it may be, most tall people are in fact enlightened to the fact that we are tall. Absurd.
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