Abusive men don’t have to physically hit you to be abusive. Men can also be mentally and emotionally abusive as well. Before anyone says, “this is sexist, women can be abusive too!” I’m aware, but since I am a woman I’m going to be speaking from the perspective of a woman, especially since I’ve been in an abusive relationship. So, here are 5 reasons why women get back with abusive men.
I admit, I don’t have the highest confidence in the world, I never have. In fact, I felt like the ugliest girl in the world. I’ve got a gap in my teeth, unclear skin, and I wear glasses. The only thin I have going for me is parts of my body I’m not going to mention. I always felt beautiful when I was with him. However he never really complimented me like that. He never gassed me up like many boyfriends do. He might say things like “I like your hair.” He never put effort into ensuring I felt beautiful. The fact that he wanted to kiss me and sleep with me meant I was beautiful. That’s what I thought anyway.
He and I were off for quite a while, two years to be exact. It seems for the majority of that time I talked all my friends ears off. I cried, asked questions. I was basically that friend who kept saying they were done with him and then a couple days later they were back together. I turned into exactly the kind of girl I didn’t want to be. My friends were so supportive but after a while I knew they were sick of hearing his name over and over again. Slowly, but surely, I stopped talking about him, but I needed to talk about him to someone because he was driving me crazy. I couldn’t get a therapist at the time for multiple reasons so I had no one to talk to. I just took his treatment of me and kept quiet.
Remember when I said he made me feel beautiful? Without him, I though no one else could love me. Let’s be clear, he never said I was ugly or put me down physically. This was an insecurity I had all on my own. I don’t know why I never embraced the way I looked. I just thought I was the ugliest person in the world and If I let this guy get away, there goes any chance of receiving love.
The reason why I I kept going back to him, well, one of the reasons why, is because I thought he changed his ways. I thought he really listened to me when I told him I hated how he treated me. But things just kept getting worse. As his life worsened, so did his treatment of me. It didn’t stop my desperate attempt to have love. It was never genuine love to begin with. Abusive men aren’t capable of giving genuine love.
I have issues. I won’t get into specifics, just know they are issues that need to be worked out with a licensed professional. I didn’t know it before, but these issues are what kept me going back to this man. If they had been worked out a long time ago I would have walked away from him from the very beginning of our relationship.
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