How to Deal with Emotions

Growing up, we were told a lot of things about our emotions. Women are supposed to be overly emotional, and Men aren’t supposed to have any emotions at all. Progressing through our youth the conversations about emotions don’t necessarily become clearer. We can show some emotion such as anger. We are also allowed to show the emotion of stress. You get brownie point for that one if it relates to staying up all night studying for a test, dealing that passive aggressive coworker, or countless hours at the office. Apart from anger and stress, the rest of the emotional spectrum is very quickly shut down by the majority of society. While you might have figured this out through involvement in the working world, there is another section of the world declaring feelings are good, and we are supposed to be able to cry and normalize the full spectrum of human emotion. This, of course is a double standard because as soon as you express a feeling other than stress or anger to a coworker, you become the weak link. The one that can’t hold their shit together or leave it at the front of the door. So how is it, that we deal with the emotions that rise in us naturally. Better yet, how do we deal with emotions effectively while simultaneously dealing with the pressures of a double standard society.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that can’t come to terms with emotions and their everyday reoccurrence. If we did, people would probably have to start holding themselves and others accountable to their words and actions which we know based on the political climate, is probably a very far way away. The fact of the matter is normalizing emotions even within ourselves can be brutal. If we feel one emotion, we have to feel them all. With happiness comes grief, rage, joy, humor as well as whole lot of others. What is astounding is that most individuals can only identify 4 or 5 types of emotions. What I am saying here is that unless you have been through copious amounts of therapy, you probably have no idea what feelings you are actually experiencing. This leads us directly to a good starting place.

Identifying Your Own Emotions

This is the point where many people decide to put down this article and grab a beer, track down the nearest dealer, or have really rough sex. While some of these options can be fun every once and awhile, typically this doesn’t lead you to a solid understanding of the emotions you are experiencing. When you are in an emotional headspace, take a step back from whatever situation is provoking the emotions. Remember that you are entirely in control of your emotions. While they can be influenced by external factors, the choice to a feel a certain way is entirely your own. Grab a feeling chart off google or grab that list of all the feelings you could think of from last month. Become curious about what you are experiencing and why. Identifying the emotion makes it feel more concrete and tangible. Find something that helps you narrow down something that is otherwise invisible. I’m sure someone has made and app somewhere.

What Do I Do Now?

Identifying an emotion can be tricky especially because for some there are multiple emotions coming up at once. After identifying whatever emotion or emotions come up, there is almost a pause. Within that pause can be a whole new emotion like fear. What do I do now that I know of the emotions I’m experiencing? Here is where most therapist say you need to learn how to cope. While this might be true, I prefer to identify life joys. While this is literally the exact same thing as coping, it sounds more exciting. For some of you this might be a cup of coffee. God bless whoever came up with putting a bean in water and serving it at a boujee café. For others, life joys might be going for a walk, working out at the gym, skydiving, hanging out with friends, weekly wine nights, and way more options that can bring you life joys. While there are some people who need to sit down and hash those feelings out, external resources and activities are great ways to let those positive vibes out. Think of a couple thing that make you happy or bring a feeling that you enjoy out and implement them into your life on a regular basis.

What If It’s Not Working?

Like I said before, there are some people who need to sit down and hash out those feelings. Talking about emotions are the best way to release them. A close second is writing… on a paper… with a pen. I am literally telling you to not use your laptop. Expressing the emotions we typically keep inside is what helps us release them. If there is something that is swarming in your head, the best thing to do is talk or write about it. If the person you want to talk to is your therapist, that is great! If it’s your mother, that’s another wonderful option though hopefully the emotions aren’t connected to your mother. Find someone who is genuine and trustworthy. The last thing you want is your trusted confidant telling Instagram about your emotional dump. Before just telling the person about whatever life crisis you are experiencing, ask if they are in a headspace to listen. Also clarify what kind of response you are looking for. Make sure they are aware if you are only looking to rant or if you are wanting a response from them.

…I Guess I’ll Try It

If you got through this article and determined that emotions seem like a lot of work, they are. If you decided to just shut down and polish off that ice cream in the freezer, let me know how your life went in 50 years. If you want to sit down and unpack whatever is going on in that head, start to unpack it. Take it one box at a time.