An Open Letter To The Mom Of The Friend Group

Dear Mom Friend,

First of all, thank you for not screwing up like I did last night. Per usual, you held it together for the both of us.

By now, you must really be getting tired of waking up to the classic “thank you for last night” text. At this point you’ve gotten too many of them to count and they probably seem as empty as the bottle of wine we killed last night. Obviously one of us was a little thirstier. My bad. Again. But, here I am: grateful, humble, and probably still a little drunk, to offer you my most sincere and heartfelt “thank you.”

Thank you for making a break for the bathroom with me and holding my hair back. Even though it was soaking in sweat and other people’s drinks anyway. The last thing I would want in my hair is that last shot I took that just didn’t go down right.

Thank you for taking my phone away and stopping me from texting that boy we both know I shouldn’t be texting.

Thank you for checking my Snapchat Story. And then telling me I should take down the video of myself singing along to a song that nobody will even be able to recognize over the sound of people screaming in the background.

Thank you for cutting me off when you know I’ve had enough. (Even though I always seem to go against your better judgement anyway.)

Thank you for making sure I don’t take advantage of my liquid courage and tell off the girl giving me a dirty look from across the room.

Thank you for taking one for the team and driving so nobody has to pay for the Uber surge that night.

Also, thank you for making a pit stop so I can snack on a late-night piece of pizza…or three.

And thank you for making me shower before I get into bed because you know I won’t want to wake up to sheets that smell like beer and whatever else I slipped on that night.

I really don’t know where I would be without you. Probably still sitting at the bar trying to convince the bouncers that no, it’s actually not bar close. But for some reason, I am lucky enough for that friend- a guardian angel, really- who makes sure I maintain what’s left of my dignity throughout the night.

So, Mom Friend, thank you for being you. And know that I’ll be right there to return the favor when you have a little too much fun yourself. But according to your crystal clean record, I probably can’t count on that happening. In that case, breakfast is on me.