A common phrase is “opposites attract.” This can be true but even if it isn’t, having an array of different interests keeps things exciting in a relationship. What no one seems to disclose is that some of these differences can be more difficult to deal with than others. After 7 years of being the non-smoking half of relationship, I’ve come across some challenges. Here are some lessons that arrive when your significant other smokes, but you don’t:
1. Be Upfront About It
When you’re getting to know someone, it can be awkward to ask those deal breaker questions. What qualifies as a deal breaker is different for all of us but when it comes to smoking, it’s better to get it out in the open. If this is not something you are willing to deal with, moving forward in a relationship with someone who does smoke may not be the best option. If the other person is honest about their feelings, you can then decide how best to/if you want to move forward.
2. Flexibility Has A Role
If you decide to follow in my footsteps and continue to pursue this person, you must be prepared for either outcome. Maybe they’ll change their mind and stop smoking or maybe they won’t. Whatever the case may be, remember that it is their decision. The more time you spend judging or lecturing your partner, the more likely things are going to head in a negative direction.
3. Distance Will Come
For a long time my feelings would get hurt when my significant other would spend so much time with his friends. They smoked, and I didn’t which meant that I did not get invited to these functions. This resulted with us spending more time apart and I thought that meant that things weren’t going to last. What I found was that it left more time for me to become involved in hobbies my SO wasn’t necessarily a fan of. I could read in peace and we would still meet up for dinner afterwards. We were able to indulge in our individual hobbies while still being a team.
4. Respect Makes It Easier
It is my preference to not be around anyone who smokes. I don’t engage in it, I don’t like the smell of it, and I certainly don’t want to be offered it. Once my significant other understood that this was just how I felt and not a result of a condescending nature, he respected that I didn’t want it around me. He doesn’t smoke around me or make suggestions for us to try it together (anymore). It made me feel like he acknowledged how I felt and made us grow even closer.
5. Simple Gifting
One of the upsides to your significant other smoking is that it makes shopping for them incredibly easy. Whether it’s Christmas, an anniversary, or their birthday you have a surefire gift you can’t go wrong with. If they are as invested in cannabis as my significant other is, you have so many options that they will appreciate!
6. Learning Something New
There are times when I dominate the conversation talking about the latest poetry books I read and how the technique is flawless. My significant other actively listens to whatever book I’m discussing, and smoking is an area where I can return the same favor. Whether it’s laughing over names of strains he has tried or prepping with him for being a judge at Chalice, I get to learn about something that he is passionate about. I wasn’t always this open to talking about smoking-related things but over time I realized that if it’s important to him then it’s important to me whether I partake or not.
If you decide to take a chance and be the non-smoking significant other, it just might work out. When your S/O smokes, how do you react? Let us know below.
Featured Image: weheartit
Rebecca was born in Hayward, CA and still resides there today. She received her BA in English Creative Writing from San Francisco State University and is the first in her family to graduate from university. She is a Poetry student in the MFA program at Saint Mary’s College of California and is furthering her involvement in the literary community. In her spare time, she likes to lose her voice at Giants games, read Young Adult novels, make lists, and aims to cross become a writer off it.