I’ve recently gone through a somewhat serious internal turmoil, and when I was looking for help online I realised I couldn’t find any that was targeted to my age range. I’ve decided to share my thoughts here, in the hope that I can show someone else that they’re not alone in how they’re feeling in regards to how settling is hindering the feminist fight.
So, here goes.
My life goals are just to be financially stable, have a loving family and to have a nice house – and I feel ashamed to admit that. I’m ashamed because, for all that we’ve fought for as women, I don’t have big ambitions. So many doors have been opened for me that would have been firmly shut in my face 30 years ago, and yet I want what so many women wanted to move on from.
I’ve spent a fair few months beating myself up over this, thinking ‘ How can you want to settle for that, there’s so much more you could do!’, and listening to my friends have such big ambitions, such big career goals, and it’s left me feeling quite deflated. I do have a career path that I’d like to take – but I don’t have any goals to work my way up to the top, I don’t want to be the best of the best like my friends. I don’t want the top floor office, with an assistant and all that jazz – don’t get me wrong I’d love the 6 figure salary of course, but I don’t want the stress and long hours that come with it.
For so long I’ve felt like there’s something wrong with me.
I’m studying as a photographer, so why don’t I want to become a world renowned photographer documenting the best and worst of the world we live in, or to have my own fashion photography company that works with major fashion houses? I’m a freelance writer, so why don’t I have the urge to shoot for the top, to one day have my own magazine publication?
But recently, I’ve learnt something, and if you’re reading this article and realising that you feel the same way as I do then please take what I say now to heart. All that matters is that you’re happy. We’re here for a good time not a long time, so who cares how you choose to spend your life as long as you’re happy. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel bad, so instead focus on yourself. your journey is your own, and no matter what you do you will not be ‘letting down the feminist fight’. Feminism is about so much more than just getting a great job or ‘settling’ with family life. There’s so much more you can do to help with the progression of feminism, so why feel guilty for doing something that will make you happy?
If all you want is to be a mum, then be the best goddamn mum you can be.
If you want to climb to the top of the corporate ladder then go for it, be the best fucking girl boss out there. If you just want to see where life takes you, then go with the freaking flow and don’t let anyone tell you what to do.