Nothing says welcome to college like a crumbling frat house. Whether it’s sticky floors, a missing toilet seat, or couch cushions that smell like mold – fraternity brothers at your university will be sure to make you feel right at home with a sickly sweet concoction in a Red Solo cup. Everclear has never tasted so good.
Frat brothers may seem to emerge from a Vineyard Vines, Sperry-wearing mold, but don’t be fooled. From their juice recipe to brotherhood traditions, each fraternity is sure to stand out for something.
1. The Dub House
Shufflers hear a faint wub wub in the distance and go running. The guys here probably have spinal injuries from mosh pits, and would love to talk to you about the rave lifestyle. Maybe odd, yes – but certainly not your average frat bro.
2. The Gym House
Not even sure why they have a frat house when all the brothers live and breathe the weight room. They have a bench on their front porch to do chest presses and could like, totally squat more than the Rock. It’s maybe the least shocking when they strip off their shirts – cause hell I would be too if I did 100 pull-ups every day.
3. The Pretty Boy House
Usually the most popular and sought after boys on the block, if that’s your type. They throw parties for having sex with upwards of 100 (yes 100) girls and are wondering if you’re still up? Most likely to be shocked when you are no longer interested in them because you found out they’ve hooked up with 20 of your sorority sisters.
4. The Jersey Shore House
You’re probably taller than 80 percent of the brothers here, and definitely have less gold necklaces on than them. They have a distinct throng of groupies that is usually outfitted in leather shoes and camo pants.
5. The Secret House
Every campus has at least one frat that has been condemned by the Greek gods. Despite the fact that their house is an obscure location off campus, they have some have parties so packed you can’t turn around.
6. The Good Guy House
Come here to lay on the couches and like, talk. These guys will have a non-flirtatious round of beer pong with you and are most likely to tell you about their high school girlfriend who cheated on them. They have manners and might judge you for booty-shaking too ferociously when Anaconda comes on.
7. The Cookie Cutter House
Okay, remember what we said about Vineyard Vines and Sperry’s? Queue Mo Bamba and Sicko Mode for the 20th time that night. These guys just want to grow up and have a nice suburban house and pretty blonde wife. They dance like your dad at a wedding and are only interested if you have fresh highlights and Lululemon leggings.
8. The Cool Guy House
These guys have been to more countries than the Pope and can have a genuine conversation about the gender wage gap. They play Soulja Boy semi-frequently and have raging holiday parties that you have to buy a ticket in advance for. Sounds great until Ashley and Tina want to fist fight you over chatting with Luke.
9. The Jonah Hill House
Sweet guys with misguided humor and a patchy beard. This house is usually empty, and when you do show up the guys look at you like you have 12 eyes. They’ll Uber you home and text you to make sure you got there safe. Sorry, but friend zone personified.
10. The Rich House
Not much more to say than the fact that they park their Porsches behind the overflowing dumpsters of their house. They had Air Pods before Apple released them and a weird affinity for blowing absurd amounts of money at casinos.