The Hall Drunk

So,there’s this guy who is ALWAYS in my hall, hanging out with my male hallmates(i’m a girl)–let’s call him Mike. So Mike almost always comes to hang out with my roomate and I anywhere from 1-3am wasted coming back from a night out, so it wasn’t weird for him to just barge in the room completely inhebreated on any given school night. Now some background: I’m the one girl who everyone thinks is innocent, and a complete good girl(not the case at all). So, this one night, as usual, he comes in drunk as ever, except my roomate just so happened to be out of town this weekend, and he also one of his friends visiting from a different school(also drunk). We’ll call him Jason. So at this point, both of these bumbling semi-alcoholics are in my room, and before Mike starts pulling me on top of him, Jason expresses a desire for some female companionship as well. Oh god did I know where this was going. Just as I had worried, Mike with what to him seemed like a clever solution suggested that Jason stumble over into the room next-door to try to win-over my very cranky, very asleep suitmate. The only thing I could think was: “This is going to end SO badly.” But, Mike’s bangin’ bod was calling like no other, I decided to keep that littel bit of information to myself. Big mistake. What’s the worst that could happen? Next thing you know, my suitmate is screaming at the absolute top of her lungs, also, at this point, needless to say, Mike and I are VERY hot and heavy. Having heard the scream, suddenly the majority of our dorm-neighbors come bursing through the door of our living room, only to see my suitmate burst out crying. Apperently in his drunken state, Jason had indeed gone in while my suitmate was asleep and, instead of introducing himself to her, he just layed down and started to hook up with her–as if that was a totally reasonable thing to do!! Meanwhile, not suspecting anything from goody-good me, one of the hallmates bursts into my room to see if I was okay, only to see their friend Mike and completely nude–in the drunken throws of passion, and he did NOT handle it well. To make things worse, I had to relive that moment everytime I looked in the mirror at the 2-inch in diameter giant hickey that had conveniently been placed in the exact center of my neck for the next TWO WEEKS. Moral of the story: always. lock. the. door.