No matter how many times your friends and other loved ones tell you to move on, sometimes, you just are not ready. Usually, when other people tell us to do something we do not want to do, it makes us not want to do whatever that thing is until we are actually ready to do whatever that thing is. Every situation, whether it is a crush you just need to move on from or a dating situation that has gone sour is unique and complex in its own way so there is no perfect way to proceed forward.
In case you are unsure if you’re ready or not, here are some signs that you might not be ready to move on!
1. You Don’t Want Things To Change
As humans, we crave regularity and will do anything possible to keep ourselves in our comfort zone, even if it means procrastinating the inevitable for our personal comfort. If you are fresh out of a breakup, or the good thing both of you had going ended, you might not be ready to accept the change that comes with it. Whether you were the one who pushed for the situation to end or the other person involved, we often have regrets and dread all the changes we have to make in order to adjust to the new reality that has been created. Perhaps the situation was more ideal in your head than it was in reality, but as long as you still have on those rose-colored glasses, you will not want things to change until you are finally on the other side.
2. You Still Have Strong Feelings
If the breakup or situation was not mutually ended, there is a strong change your feelings for them will not change immediately. After it ends, you go through every situation in your head where things could have worked out for the better. You think of ways each of you could have changed as individuals or worked together to get through the problems that stood between you. When one of the two people involved caved to what the other wants, they are often forced to move on, despite still having strong feelings for the other. No matter what the situation is if it ended with neither party upset or angry at each other, it makes it that much more difficult to move on when feelings are still involved.
3. They Make You Smile
They might not realize it, but if they still have the ability to change your mood when you are having a bad day, this is a sure sign that you are not ready to move on. Having that source of positivity or happiness in your life is not something we are usually ready to let go of easily. Once we trust someone enough to share how we really feel on our best and worst days, it can be difficult to be willing to stop going to them for the same things you used to. You wonder how you dealt with the same problems before them, and think that you cannot handle it all on your own. When someone has had the ability to change your mood for the worse or for the better, you simply have a strong emotional attachment to them that will not be easily broken.
4. You Feel Comfortable With Them
As a general rule, the more time you have known someone and the closer you are to them, the more comfortable you will be with them. Having that level of vulnerability with someone makes you not want to be willing to give that up so quickly. After all, this might be the first person you have opened up to in some time, you trusted this person, and you won’t want to give up that safe space just yet. When you are truly ready to move on, you will willingly give up that safe space because you know it’s what you have to do. Until then, you might hold onto that safe space until you feel like you can finally live life without them, again.
5. You’re Re-Reading Messages
Re-reading messages is a dangerous game, especially when you are fresh out of a break-up, or someone has admitted they don’t feel the same way about you. Scrolling back to the first messages you two ever sent to each other and reading all the way up to the present day is a way many of us try to cope. We either try to figure out where it all went wrong, or if we convinced ourselves that they felt different than what they did in reality. While sometimes it can be comforting to go back and read those messages as we assure ourselves that we aren’t crazy, it can hinder your ability to move on as quickly as you could.
6. You Do Things That Remind You Of Them
Maybe you picked up some of their unique ways of saying certain things and you find yourself using these in the real world, or let those new habits leak into conversations with others. We speak to others how they speak to us, so if we use emojis frequently, and start talking to someone who doesn’t, we find ourselves mimicking their patterns. You might binge-watch a television show they introduced you to. Perhaps there was a restaurant or coffee shop that you two went to all the time, and you return there by yourself. Subconsciously, we want to make new memories, but we find our eyes drifting to the table you two always sat at, and the old memories come flooding back.
7. You Still Picture Yourselves Together
If you are convincing yourself that you two will work through this rough patch and get together again, you probably still picturing you both still in each other’s lives in the future. Whether this is as a couple, as friends, or some other relationship, this is a very clear sign you are not ready to move on. It takes time and going through different stages before you can finally stop picturing yourselves together. You have to find that one thing about them that finally revolts you enough for the rose-colored glasses to shatter and for you to see them, and your situation, as they truly are. Until then, you will probably imagine a future where everything works out, one way or another.
8. You Still Have Their Number
Perhaps you have deleted all of the messages between you two, but have yet to actually delete their number, and remove them from your social media accounts. Until you fully delete or remove all of your ways of contacting them and vice versa, you cannot completely move on. Keeping their number, or not blocking them on social media is giving you the physical and mental opportunity to reach out to them when you really should not. Do wait to delete them from your virtual life until you are actually ready to, but do not kick it so far down the road that you do yourself more harm in the long run.
9. They Are Your Standard
When you decide to take the risk and put yourself back out there again, you might be pushing yourself to do something you simply are not ready for yet. Maybe you ventured into the world of online dating but found yourself not knowing who or what you are looking for in a future partner. Perhaps you compare the conversations you have and the physical appearance of others to the person you are supposed to be moving on from. If you find yourself continuously comparing everyone else to them, or think things were better before, this is a sure sign that you are not close to being ready to move on. Don’t force yourself to put yourself out there again until you are mentally and physically ready to do so!
10. You Think You Can’t Find Someone Better
Similarly to comparing everyone else to them, if you are trying hard to find someone else, but no one is checking off any or all of your boxes, you might start to wonder if you will find anyone better than them. As hard as you might try to move on or find someone else unless you have fully moved on from the other person, you will have a difficult time finding a better person to have in your life. If you wait until you are truly over them, you will have a much easier time with dating! Just be patient and let everything work itself out.
11. You Still Want To Spend Time With Them
Perhaps they are a really great person, or you were friends before you two decided to explore something together. Maybe you convinced yourself that you can still spend time with them without hurting the other or it feeling awkward. If you are still prioritizing staying in touch with them or trying to spend time with them in person, you might not be ready to completely remove them from your life. When you are ready to move on, a switch will flip and you will suddenly lack the desire to see them, or spend time with them.
12. You Just Don’t Want To Move On
If you aren’t ready to take your friends’ advice or have tried everything to no avail, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking some time before you completely move on. Just like everything in life, moving on from someone is a process. It’s a time of self-discovery and reminding yourself it is okay not to have someone in your life. Maybe you can’t get them out of your head, and that is perfectly fine. Take your time, and move on when you feel like you’re ready! Sure, it might take some time, but you will know when it’s your time.
Which of these signs sounds most like you? Comment that sign below!
Hi! My name is Hannah Warren and I just graduated from Mercer University with a B.A. in English. During my time at Mercer, I studied both Creative Writing and Media Studies so I have dabbled in multiple writing genres including fiction, nonfiction, playwriting, and more! Playwrighting and nonfiction are my favorite genres because more people relate to and understand the work when it is raw, genuine, and mentions different problems that most people are familiar with or have experienced first-hand. I have a bad habit of starting projects and not finishing them, but I am proud to say I am drafting a romance novel that I hope to have published one day! Thank you for taking the time to get to know me, and I hope you will continue to read more of my little articles in the future!