If you’ve never seen Million Dollar Matchmaker you probably haven’t heard her “no sex before monogamy” rule. Over the past year or so, big media outlets have questioned monogamy in all its forms. Media representations of non monogamous relationships are more nuanced thanks to this cultural movement we’re experiencing. Orange Is The New Black and House of Cards are a two of the many shows that have been bringing depictions of non monogamy to life. Thankfully CNN gives us the run down on determining of non-monogamy is right for you. First and foremost, for those of you who don’t know what monogamy is, it’s the idea of committing to one person. You know, basically just the notion of being in a relationship.
Non monogamy includes polyamory, the okay to have emotional and sexual relationships with others. Some people are totally down for giving this a go but what helps in determining if this is something you’re willing to try is to understand how you and your partner define sexual exclusivity. Some couples are totally chill with attending swinger parties and watching their partner have sex with someone else while others are more interested in dating other people. If you’re someone who’s interested in entertaining the idea of an open relationship, here are a few ways you can be non monogamous without being a douche.
Consensual non monogamy is a common term for those familiar with the practice. While you may think polyamorous relationships are just about fucking whoever you want and no rules, you’re wrong. The first step to giving this a go is making sure you set parameters with your partner. Are you allowed one partner, multiple partners at the same time or any other combination for that matter? The non monogamous community actually prides itself on coming up with healthier solutions despite one’s relationship orientation. It’s supposed to be a fun way to explore your emotion and sexual needs. Believe it or not, if it doesn’t come naturally and is still a bit uncomfortable for people, that’s totally normal. You don’t have to feel a certain way.
It may be one thing to daydream about screwing or dating two or more people but actually doing is another. Keep in mind dudes that these people you’re getting involved with also have needs, feelings and have a life that might not operate the way yours does. This doesn’t give you the okay to be a douche bag and cheat and be dishonest with your partner. You’re still required to partake in open communication.
Another thing to be mindful of is not assuming you know what your partner wants or needs; or vice versa for that matter. Make sure the both of you are honest about your boundaries and don’t assume your partner is cool with something just because you’d give the okay. Jealousy can stem from non monogamy, and that’s not uncommon either. Respect boundaries, feelings and bodies dudes. Finally, just like any other relationship, people fuck up. If you do make a mistake, own up to that shit. Again, if you want it to work, you need to be open with your partner. Bottom line, don’t be a douche.
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