How To Get Drunk And Not Get Fat

The holiday season can mean a lot of things: uncomfortable family gatherings, a sharp change in the weather, a case of the common cold. However, it also means festivities, which means parties, which means alcohol. Everyone is in that holiday spirit, but for those of us watching our figure this season, it’s important to know which drinks are going to be the most waist-friendly while still getting us the most wasted. If you fall into this boat, look no further! We’ll teach you how to get drunk and not get fat. We’ve ranked up some different drinks to show you how best to get more buzz and less, well, butt.

Shots

Everyone knows that a fun way to get a little tipsy is to throw back a few shots. But which type of shot is bound to have you stretching out your jeans after a couple of holiday parties? For shots, we explored brands of vodka, whiskey, and rum, of course. Take notes, and remember, a shot in this scenario is about 1.5 fluid ounces.

1. Our vodka of choice: 1 shot of Smirnoff Red Label at 40% ABV = 90 calories.

2. Our rum of choice: 1 shot of Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum at 35% ABV = 86 calories.

3. Our whisky of choice: 1 shot of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky at 33% ABV = 108 calories.

An obvious conclusion from this would be that Fireball, with the lowest ABV and highest calorie count, wouldn’t be a great choice for someone looking to drink with fewer weight-gain worries. But what about the other two options? In the end, it depends on whether those 4 calories and 5% ABV are worth it. And don’t forget – what are the odds of you just having one shot? Feel free to multiply these numbers for each shot glass you knock back for a real glimpse into caloric reality.

Drinks

If you’re for holding one drink for a period of time over just knocking back some shots, then you’re in luck. We’ve looked at the alcohol content versus calorie count of a few common drinks found at parties, including cheap beer and hard lemonade. To make this breakdown simple to follow, I set all the drinks to a 16 ounce standard. Be sure to look out at the end for every good decision maker’s worst enemy!

Ultimate Guide to the Party Scene at Providence College

1. Keystone Light wins as the lightest drink.

With a 4.13% ABV, it comes to 139 calories per 16 ounces. To break that down further, that’s one and a fourth cans of cheap beer. It’s companion, Keystone, brings the beverage up to a 5% ABV, but that doesn’t come calorie-free.

2. In second place of the beverages is Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

With a 5% ABV. You can down 336 calories per 16 ounces, or about one and three fourths bottles. Sure, that extra bump in alcohol by volume might contribute to a nice buzz, but if you’re goal is to truly watch your figure while getting buzzed this holiday season, you might want to stick with some light beers. Besides, once you acquire that taste, it really isn’t that bad.

3. Finally, what everyone has been waiting for: Four Loko.

It’s almost impossible to down this drink without making some bad judgment calls, but besides its stereotype of being a “Blackout in a Can,” the drink can boast another bad reputation: being the most fattening way to get drunk. Coincidentally, a can of Four Loko is 16 ounces, so it wasn’t hard to find out that just one can comes out to 660 calories. That’s more calories than a McDonald’s Big Mac. The alcohol by volume content on these cans sit at about 8%, which means, yeah, you’re going to get smashed, but if you are trying to keep fit, just avoid the hornet’s nest that is Four Loko and take a shot or two instead.