You first became interested in good ab workouts when you overheard the person you like telling their friend that they’d prefer a partner with great abs. Determined to win the affection (hopefully) of this person, you buy a membership to the local gym. Upon arriving on the first day, you quickly realize that you have no idea how to begin your training program. Thankfully, you have access to the internet! Whipping out your phone, you look up some good ab workouts to get you started. You predict that you’ll only have to be in the gym for a couple weeks before you’re as strong as any person in there.
Alright, this is a pretty self-explanatory one, and is actually featured on many sites showcasing good ab workouts. So, what you need to do is to grab a weight from that metal thing you’re exercising next to, lay down on the ground as if you’re preparing for a crunch, put the heavy weight on your chest, and move your upper body forward. It’s probably best to start with a weight that isn’t too heavy, since it’s important that you feel like you’re making some progress, even if you really aren’t.
Tuck and crunch
Good ab workouts are easy to find online, and one of the most common ones is the tuck and crunch. This will require you to do a little more than the previous workout, since you’ll have to not only move your upper half, but your lower as well. To begin, lie flat on the ground with your knees bent and feet off the ground. Now for the hard part. Violently arch your torso up until your knees hit you in the face, and then go back down. If you do this exercise 100 times a day, you’ll get really strong. I promise.
The standard crunch
Sometimes you need a break from the harder exercises in favor of something simpler, but don’t worry! These easier ones are still good ab workouts. When entering the gym, you head over to your spot, where the regular members are already congregating. Nodding respectfully to them, you lay down on the ground with your knees up and feet on the ground and do a standard crunch. Everyone who was previously paying attention to you walk off with disinterest as you continue your workout.
Hanging leg raise
The next day, though, the crowd starts to come back, as you’ve now graduated from crunches to hanging like a large monkey from the metal contraption next to you. You hear them say to each other “I wonder if they’ll hurt themselves again today. Their face is still bruised from when they hit themselves in the face with their knees.” You’ve tried to explain to them before that you were just doing what the online article told you to do, but they never listen. Hanging from the metal box, you begin to lift you legs up perpendicular to your body.
After doing some of the good ab workouts above for a couple days, the crowd of curious onlookers has now dispersed. To be honest, you kind of miss the attention a little. Also, it was nice to know that, if you needed help, they would be there to help you out…probably. Anyway, you’ve now moved on to the garhammer raise, which has you once again slam your knees into your head. As you do this, you see Jerry, the guy who’s always working out next to you, start to smile and usher people over to see you.
Decline plank with foot touch
You are determined to get the respect of the gym patrons, so you stop the garhammer raises after only a couple days. You put your ice pack, which you’ve been holding to your face, down next to you on the ground. There’s no need for it today. Good ab workouts won’t hurt you anymore. With this thought in your mind, you put your feet up behind you on Jerry’s workout bench, which he gladly let you use, and proceed to raise and lower your body onto the ground. Unfortunately, your face is once again getting badly bruised since your clasped hands are right where your head comes down. Time to get that ice pack again.
Man, those Russians really knew their stuff when it came to good ab workouts, didn’t they? In honor of the occasion, you decide to listen exclusively to Russian music today. You can’t understand any of the words, but that doesn’t matter to you. As you’re nodding your head in time to the music, you sit down on the floor and twist your body back and forth.
The bicycle crunch
On day, when you’ve finished exercising, Jerry comes up to you and says that he feels bad that you keep hurting yourself when working out. To help you reach your goal in a safer manner, he recommends that you do one exercise in his collection of good ab workouts. You thank Jerry for his concern and ask what the exercise is. Flash forward to you, a couple days later, surrounded by Jerry and his friends, as you lay on the ground with your hands behind your head. Pumping first one knee, then the other, you’re constantly accidentally hitting yourself in the face again.
The standard plank
OK, you’re done listening to Jerry. You won’t make that mistake again. You walk over to your water bottle at the end of your day, frustrated, when you see a picture placed under your bottle of someone planking. Written in sharpie over the image are the words “Try this out. Signed, Barry.” You don’t know who this Barry is, but this exercise seems easier than what you were doing, so you try it. Good ab workouts are just dropping into your lap one after the other, aren’t they. Before beginning, you remember the instructions on the back of the picture, which said “When you get tired and want to stop, never bend your knees. It’s always better to collapse on your clenched hands.”
That was a dirty trick that ‘Barry’ pulled on you last time, so you decided to leave that gym in favor of another one. With a new gym comes new exercises, and you believe that you’ve found some good ab workouts that you can do without injuring yourself. You start off with the deadbug, which has you lay on the ground and stretch your arms and legs back, one side at a time.
Hollow rock with hold
You were online recently looking up good ab workouts when you came across one called ‘the hollow rock with hold.’ It’s kind of a misnomer, since the ‘rock’ is just a little piece of foam that you put between your knees as you rock back and forth like an insect unable to get up. You elect to use an actual rock, though. Your believe that, with a real stone, you can increase your strength a hundred fold. You could say that your reasoning was ‘rock-solid’ *chuckles*.
This is the end. After this exercise, you’ll finally have perfect abs thanks to the good ab workouts you’ve been doing. This workout, called the bear crawl, recommends that you walk like a bear (although it’s more like a toddler). After finishing with this, you proceed to finally ask the person you’re interested in to date you. When you ask them, they unfortunately decline your offer. They say that they’re seeing someone already, and show you a picture of them on their phone. You can’t believe what you’re seeing. It’s Jerry.
Have you ever wanted perfect abs? Were you ever given bad advice by someone named Jerry? Let me know in the comments below!
A new face on the writing scene, Josh VanAkker brings a breath of fresh air to the world of blogging. He enjoys working with new styles of writing, and has employed a good number of them in his many blog posts.